Hope is the thing with feathers

Chapter 3: Not with a club, the Heart is broken

Not with a club, the Heart is broken

Not with a club, the Heart is broken,

Nor with a stone;

A whip, so small you could not see it,

I've known

To lash the magic creature

Till it fell,

Yet that whip's name too noble

Then to tell.

Magnanimous of bird

By boy descried,

To sing unto the stone

Of which it died.

It had begun to rain just like the wind had picked up. She wasn't actually sure how long they had been up there on the roof of the hospital, but at some point they must have sat down, or maybe her legs had just given out under her. That could just as well be the case.

She also had no idea how long she had been crying, clinging to him as a needy baby koala. Her clothes were soaked through from the heavy rain and were clinging to her as a second skin. His were wet as well, she realized, as she began to shiver and tried to bury herself closer into his chest to find some kind of heat. His hand was still stroking up and down her back, rubbing her gently, giving her comfort, while the other rested on her head cradling her into his shoulder.

She pulled back enough so she could look at him while she tried to brush water and tears off her face. She likely looked like a panda at this point with makeup blurred all over her cheeks.

"Are you going to leave me?" she whispered. She was almost unable to actually voice the words now, the thought was too painful, especially now that he had held her and comforted her in this moment. If he was going to walk away now, it would be so much worse than it would have been an hour ago.

"No, I am not gonna leave you. I never actually wanted to leave you Meredith, but I wasn't sure what else to do." He sighed, as he used his thumb to caress her cheek and she thought he was maybe trying to help her clean up some of the black smeared makeup on her face as well.

"I came after you, you know, I called out to you, that day, in the hallway, but you didn't hear me." She whispered. The day six months ago had been terrible, the things Richard had said, losing the patient, the flashbacks, her mother's words ringing in her ears, Derek's words ringing in her ears. And Bailey, who was so angry at her and blamed her for everything that happened with the residency programl, and just gave her the keys and left. And he had been there, and he had tried to confront her with some of it, but it had been too much so she had sent him away, it had only taken a few seconds for her to regret it when he actually did leave. A part of her knew she was playing chicken with him, and had been for the whole time they were together. It wasn't intentional, it was just she was so used to being left in one way or another, so she pushed but he had always pushed back, and stood firm and let her cling to his steadiness while all the waves and turrets that were her life tried to pull her out. He had been like the buoy that couldn't be pulled down and she could actually be sure it could stay floating in a way.

"I know, I heard you, but I was angry, and hurt. I wanted you to do more than just call after me, I wanted you to put in some effort. I heard you and I left and I know I had no way of predicting what happened, but I am sorry for leaving, I really am." He offered as he gave her a sad smile. She swallowed hard, she had never imagined he had actually heard her but just chosen not to turn around.