𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆

XXIV. I Look Lonely

   Chapter 24,
     I Look Lonely
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   " You all have dates, you're dancing with someone you are deeply in love with, and I'm sitting here eating sugar cookies because the person that I'm in love with, he's looking for someone else. "

~ Silas's POV ~

     The dance was amazing, everyone looked great and they played music that we would all enjoy, of course we tried to add songs that did curse but that was shut down almost immediately which bummed all of us out but we pushed it away, I was having a great time at the dance.
   I mean I thought I was having a good time at the dance until it was time for a slow dance and everyone had their partners to go with, it was still light outside, but I felt so alone sitting at the table alone.

   Everytime the song reached its chorus, all the girls were twirled by their lovers and the giggles echoed around the gym, Bruce didn't show up and I began to realize that maybe he was with Stacy and didn't have the heart to tell me that he didn't want to be around me.
   I didn't want to think this way because I knew it was just going to ruin my mood and evening but I couldn't help it, I only ever wanted him, he was the one thing that I actually wanted and wasn't able to have.

    I didn't want people thinking that I was overreacting because my crush didn't like me but I felt like we had something, and this is no bullshit, the time that we spent together and all of the things we did together, I felt like I finally had a chance when in reality I don't.
   I never did, I gave myself false hope and ultimately let myself down, so as I shove sugar cookies down my throat in hopes the sad feeling goes away, I watch my friends dance with their boyfriends.

    The lights were dim with fairy lights hanging above making the dance look more romantic, tears slipped from my eyes as I begin to get more angry with myself for even believing that Bruce Yamada would bat an eye to me, for even thinking that I was worthy enough for his heart.
   I felt foolish, I felt like I had cheated myself out of a happy ending and cut straight to the heartbreaking moment, and it sucks.

    "Silas, is everything okay?"

   Donna asked as she made her way towards me with the friend group trailing behind them, I sighed and wiped away my tears quicker than quicksand and nodded my head, I forced out a smile so that I didn't ruin their moods and day.
   This moment was supposed to be filled with happiness but I couldn't find anything to be happy about, but my friends can and that's all that really mattered to me.

   "No, no you're not. What happened?"

  Lisa asked as she sat down beside me, telling the boys to go get them something to drink, buying us some alone time so that I could spill my guts out to them, but I was afraid of ruining their moods.
   If I say something that came from my heart, it could be too rude and might hurt their feelings which would cause us to not talk anymore and I didn't want that to happen, but if I didn't say anything then I would be dragging the problem on.

   "I just look lonely, okay, I feel lonely but at the same time I don't..."
 
   I finally answered, Donna could tell that I was holding something back inside and she told me that whatever it was, they would understand and comfort me, even if I told them that they didn't have to.
   So as the boys stood over at the punch table, I looked at my friends with glossy eyes and sighed.

   " You all have dates, you're dancing with someone you are deeply in love with, and I'm sitting here eating sugar cookies because the person that I'm in love with, he's looking for someone else. "

    The tears slipped from my eyes and ran down my cheeks as I finished my sentence, Lisa awed at me and pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back as Donna began to tell me all about how someone out there is waiting for me, that I just need faith.
   But what is faith when there's no hope, I only had eyes set for one person so what good is it going to do if I just put faith on someone else when Bruce is the one I want.

   I just want to sit here and pretend that everything is okay and that Bruce would be coming soon, because he wouldn't leave me alone.
   Giving myself more false hope is all that I'm good for, and I'm not saying that it's a good thing either because it hurts you in the long run but sometimes you just need a distraction.

   I'm just confused as to why in this big party filled with many other kids, am I still feeling so lonely? I'm not understanding it.