i don't know what i expected
you made every anniversary i could remember, harder
i know i can't blame you for everything,
but i can damn well try
because you hurt me
you did, regardless of who wants to acknowledge it
and who wants to pretend it's not true
it is true
you know it, i know it
"not a danger" my ass
just because you can't see
the hurt you've caused
doesn't mean it didn't happen
because of you, i can't trust
when i'm hurting
when i'm scared
anxious, or anything
i cant trust
i can't trust that people won't leave
once they've heard what i have to say
i can't trust because if i do,
i'm not alone anymore
and i've had to handle it alone for so long
i don't want to feel helpless again
and if i rely, i will
because no one can "always be there"
they can try,
and maybe have decent success
but they can't always
not fully, not ever
you taught me that.
you taught me that no one needs me either
unnecessary, unbelievable
but in the worst ways
because yeah, who could ever need me?
What makes me special?
clearly nothing, since i'm the only kid you never really tried with
not that trying would've gone well
but you never did try
and now we're here
that's on you.
i should've questioned you earlier
but i'm glad i didn't
i'm not glad i'm here, but
i'm okay with where i am now
well, if anyone asks i'm more than okay
i'm happy, of course i am
i didn't cry for half an hour
when i should've been asleep
because of you
i wouldn't give you that time
you don't deserve my time
what goes on after hours isn't what people get to know
i don't want them to
so they won't
and neither will you
YOU ARE READING
Remembrance
Poetrya poetry collection that somewhat follows my path into recovery. i'm not saying i'm there yet, or anywhere near 'mentally okay,' but i'm getting closer every day. TW for mentions of childhood trauma, abuse, divorce, self harm (no details, just a ref...
