December Stories (A Memoir)

5. HOMILY - A Tale of Two Mons

      I don't want to be in the limelight, at least not when I am caught off guard. 

     It was December 28, 2008, the Feast of the Holy Family, and surprisingly, Reverend Fr. Ramon "Fr. Mon" Atanacio, OFM. Cap. was the celebrant during the 8:00 am Mass at the National Shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes. Typically, Fr. Rolly Briones presided over the Eucharistic celebration during this timeslot, but serendipitously today, he was out and we have the Church's own Parish Priest was celebrating mass in his stead.

     As always I accompanied my grandmother to Church like always do every Sunday.  But on this particular day I felt uneasy and a bit awkward.  In fact at the start of the mass, I could not lift my head, but eventually  I talked myself out of it by reasoning out  "what the heck I went there to listen to the Word of God and partake in His Holy Banquet, so I should not let my personal inequities be a hindrance to this Holy Festivity."  After a self pep talk, my initial and inappropriate awkwardness disappeared and I lifted my head, smiled and remembered why I was there in Church in the first place.   

      You see there's a reason why I felt a little uneasy as I sat at the front pew with my grandmother when Fr. Mon officiated  the ceremony, and here's a little backstory. 

    On Christmas Eve, I told Elpol; the then Parish Youth Ministry Coordinator, to tell Fr. Mon that I will not be attending the Misa de Gallo for I had to rest due to lack of sleep, and that I have to bring my grandmother to Church the following day - Christmas morn. 

     On that same night, I did the Parish's Panunuluyan (Nativity Play). There were several dramatic events that happened prior to the staging of it, but one thing is for sure, I wouldn't have directed if it weren't for Fr. Mon intervention.  There were some internal misunderstanding between the Parish Youth Ministry and YAFCA Repertory.  It was Fr. Mon who sorted it out.   I wanted to thanked him personally but  I can't seem to locate him at the last minute before the Midnight Christmas Mass started.  So basically that's it, that's why I was embarrassed when I saw him  on the 28th of December.  I was in the front row with my grandmother, and you couldn't miss me especially if you're standing from his vantage point.

    The Sunday Mass began just like all regular masses do, and as always, Fr. Mon gave a riveting Homily. Since it is the Feast of the Holy Family, I was not surprised that his homily touched on issues concerning the Reproductive Health Bill and the Divorce Bill that is now being discussed in the House of Representatives.  Fr. Mon pointed out that those bills were destroying the sanctity of marriage, corrupting our values and our respect for God, life and family. What I did not expect from him was when he singled me out from the crowd. 

    Say what, now?  

        At the mention of my name, I lowered my head as I could feel a great multitude of eyes looking at my direction. I am sure to the attending Parishioners I was no one, just a random girl bringing her elderly relative to the Church.  At first, Fr. Mon wasn't sure though who I was with and asked if it was my mom or my lola. I reluctantly replied that it was the mother of my mom.

      He gestured his hand towards where my lola and I sat (the front pew across the podium where he was giving his homily) and told the Parishioners that I was a good example of keeping my family values since I was accompanying my grandmother to the Church.   

     Together with praising me for being a dutiful granddaughter he further complimented me by saying "Magaling na bata iyan," he said, "Isa siya sa mga magaling na youth leaders ng Parish. Siya ung naghahandle ng Drama dito sa Parokya." 

     I sort of squirmed in my seat. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate Fr. Mon's compliments, but I'm not used to being lauded especially when I have this doubt in my mind, telling me, am I really one?  (Note: My lola has been dead as of this writing, looking back now, I realized I also secretly loved that moment because that was the moment my grandma beamed with pride at the mention of my name)

     Anyway, he told the Massgoers that I was good example not just because I was a youth leader but also I was keeping my family values intact.  He was pointing out that I was a concrete example of a person with good values since I was bringing my grandmother to Church which an example of spending time with one's family. 

    As much as I want to agree with him and bask all the glory, I guess I was also humbled by that experienced. I never really knew that what I was doing for the church through YAFCA Repertory is such a big deal in that spiritual sense nor was going to Church with my lola was that significant contribution. For me, I just enjoy sharing my talents and I love my Lola that's why I do these things. 

     It also had me thinking, if Fr. Mon thought I was a good example to the public, another Mon thought otherwise. Until now, this other Mon had not spoken to me since our friendship was severed last June. 

    You see the other "Mon" was one of my closest friends neighbor and friend who serves the Parish. As a person he is mature, protective as he is the eldest among a brood of boys. During that time, he was the president of the Music Ministry of the Parish and is lovingly known as "Kuya Mon" to the younger generation of parish youths.

     A few months back during the last days of the Summer Workshop 2008, I lost my temper when one overly sensitive parent who doesn't understand what was happening accused me of something I didn't do. To make the long story short, Kuya Mon came between me and that parent and stop the argument.  One, it's because we were having it in front of the kids and too, it was quite embarrassing at it was done in front of Ms. Garcia who was invited to do a free art workshop for the kids who attended YAFCA workshop. 

     The sensitive mother threatened that she will be inform the Church authorities of what I did and had me banned or excommunicated from the Church. But I didn't care. I was ready to prove my innocence, and even my guest teacher was willing for vouch for me, if it reached that level. 

    However, even if I was falsely accused Mon pointed out that 'the end doesn't justify the means' I shouldn't have lost my temper as I am a representative of the Church and of God.  

     According to some of our close friends, I heard some things that he said which really hurt me. the person who in all these years I expected to understand me, but did not.   Because of that I  ignored him many times because I felt betrayed.   By the time, I cooled off, it was his turn to give me the cold shoulder.   I apologized three times and  my sorry gestures fell on deaf ears. He couldn't look at me in the eye, everytime we're near each other, he acts as if I'm not there.  It's ghosting face-to-face, although I'm the one who treats as a spirit.   That was one of the most painful thing a person do to - the ignore me as if I didn't exist.   Well, I realized I deserved it because of my temperamental and proud nature. 

     Yet despite such circumstance, he was able to lend a hand with the Panunuluyan. During the preparation for the Nativity play, I hope to connect with him one way or another so I asked Elpol if he can asked Mon to be the Voice Coach to the actress who was playing the Blessed Mother Mary.    It worked. I received a text stating 'I was informed that you needed me to teach your Mary in the Panunuluyan.  Have her go to me before the 6pm Sunday mass and let her bring her musical piece. You can give her my number if she needs it.'  I texted back to thank him, although I received a reply, that's the end of it. I honestly  miss him, and I wish despite everything that had been said and done, I want this "Mon" to know that I am grateful for the tough love he showed me. 

     Isn't it ironic? I was praised by Fr. Mon only to have this memory remind me the exact opposite of what he said by another Mon. My argument? I'm only human. I don't go to Church because I am a saint.  I go to Church because I am a sinner.  So, ergo, I'm not perfect and I create mistakes. 

     Yet despite the two different views from these two "Mons", the message is the same. I am responsible for my actions, more so because I represent God through my deeds at home and my participation in the Church and community.