𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐞 | machine gun kelly

29

Colson Baker's pov;

HOW DO YOU SPEAK WHEN YOUR LIPS are apart but your thoughts formulate out of order, and words seem so far off that it makes you feel useless— incompetent even. What do you do then? How do you prove to this person in front of you that there is something inside that you just can't bring out, because words and actions don't cooperate with you?

How do I explain to Davina that she means the fucking world to me, and I haven't even seen half of that shit yet except for only their airports and concert arenas? How do I explain that to her without ripping my heart out and showing it to her? Without killing myself in the process? How do other people do this shit?

My hands shook, the pulse in them so strong, yet my heart felt like a rock— frozen, dead. Was I finally going insane? Had the goddamned thread that was holding my sanity together snapped? Did she just fucking cut it?

I could just look at her in that moment through the filter that were my sunglasses. Her glowing skin cloaked in a tinge of darkness just like everything else I saw. wanted to rip them off, but I suppressed that urge— crushed it like I crush everything else in my life. But her? She was the only aspect of this shattered life of mine that I wanted to hold on tight to. To hold onto her so tight, that she won't erode, won't disappear from in front of me like mist. Because I can't catch mist— God, I would try to—knowing the desperate shithead that I am, but I know I won't be able to. I'd just run after the fog of her, and it would lead me no closer to her than before.

When had she started affecting me in this way? I could pinpoint the exact moment— like that moment was a target and I'd ace it every time with a crossbow. Like that moment was a man who owed me, and I'd take his life with a single bullet aimed right.

When I first saw her, that when it all began then. That was when she made me sick.. sick with this insatiable lust that I feel for her. It sounds so stupid, first sight stuff is bullshit. At least, I believed it was. Every thing I used to believe had scattered to the winds, and it was all because of her.

She didn't say anything else, after I didn't respond. I had tried to, but the words— fuck the words that won't come out.

The music had changed, to another requested song by someone in the crowd. A John Legend song I hadn't heard before in my life, but still, I'd know that fucker's sultry voice anywhere. Davina seemed to be enjoying it. With her eyes shut tight, her arms around my neck as she swayed with me slowly. It was hard, keeping my hands on her waist when I wanted to feel her body in its entirety. The things I wanted to do to her, but this wasn't the damn place for it.

She wasn't crying anymore, and that was part of the reason my jaw had loosened now, a sharp ache radiating throughout my face. I had been grinding my fucking teeth so tight, it was a wonder my molars hadn't torn through my mouth. I hadn't looked at those tears, her shining face, her fearful eyes, I had just pinned my eyes to the ground, and stored up the fury I felt like it was a beer in a fridge. I would've gone mad, had I looked. I would've ripped this entire place apart looking for the culprit, even when it'd be me all along.

The music finished, and couples dancing separated. A large round of applause ensued as everyone clapped for everyone else. Davina separated from me, as though the applause, the lack of music— all had given her a harsh reality check.

She reached an unsteady hand to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear, and glanced towards the table where she had sat with Rook.

My nostrils flared at the notion reentering my system. Rook had fucked off like I had told him to, he had taken his car and left after I had threatened him. But it was his audacity that infuriated me, his audacity to come here—anywhere—with Davina when he knows. He did it to get back at me, I knew that. I knew that by the way he fucking sent me their location, so that I could see for myself.