All That We Are (shorts)

By My Side

TW - mentions of suicide, depression/anxiety, s/h

"Yah! Daxton!" Marcus sticks his head into the mint-haired male's room, to find him (wearing a pair of black headphones connected to his phone around his neck) lounging against his bed, lazily. "Something came for you in the post~!" The slightly shorter, younger orange-haired male walks into the said room, waving, what seems to be, a clean white envelope, in front of his band member's face. Daxton snatches it from Marcus' (rather small) hands, and shoves him out of the room, making sure to close and lock it after him. "Aww," Marcus' voice whines from outside, "Can't I see?", to which he gets the reply of a muttered "Get lost."

Daxton sits down on his bed, turning the envelope over. His eyes widen as he recognises the handwriting, and the envelope just near slides out of his fingers. A million thoughts race through his mind. It couldn't be, not after so long. With trembling fingers, he carefully opens it, handling the paper as if it were pure gold itself, and slowly begins to read.

Hey Daxton,

Remember me? You probably don't. It's been a while since we split paths. Exactly 5 months, 3 weeks, 6 days - and at the time I'm writing this- 7 hrs and 21 minutes since I saw you last. I shouldn't be complaining though, right? We've broken up for good.

And yet, I find myself obsessing over you in the same way I did when I was just a mere fangirl. I still search you up to find up what's new, still watch your videos, listen to your songs, look at the photos you've posted (although 'look' is an understatement, I stare).

Daxton's brow creases with confusion. Where is she going with all this? But, he continues to read, unable to ignore her words.

Everyone I know is calling me lovesick, yet I was the one who ended our relationship, so why am I acting like this? And why am I asking you when I already know the answer?

I have something to confess. There.. there was a day, when I lied to you. One day, in the number of months we were dating for, that I lied. And at the time, I thought it was for the best. Now though, I don't know, but I feel wrong.

Do you remember what I told you just before I left you? Most likely, yes. It's difficult to forget those things easily. That day, I told you four lies.

Not one, but four. I told you that I didn't love you, that I'd found someone else, that the two of us were distant 'recently; and then, to top it all off, I told you that I never loved you. I'm sorry, but I lied. I did it to save you. I'm not a superhero, but I wanted to save you from two things: Hate, from when we'd go public, and mostly; myself.

There were so many reasons as to why I pushed you away. I'd never lied to you, but I'd always hidden from you who I really was, or what, I should say. I'll give you a few words to describe it: I'm a depressed bitch. I was also a pessimist, am, actually. All those years we'd known each other, my happy, positive attitude was just a mask. I hid my true self from you, because, had you known, you would have left me, just like everyone else. I hid myself, not solely because you were my only friend at the time, but because I was in love with you, and had been since the day we first met.

I guess this is me confessing. Better late than never, right? So, yes, Daxton West, I love you.

But don't get me wrong, I'm not here to beg you to take me back. We're over, and I know that. You've most likely moved on from me, found a new girl. One so much better than I was; prettier, happier, smarter. One that gives you everything I didn't, everything I couldn't give you.