"Grey" Fezco O'Neill x black fem reader

25- Never ending chaos pt.2

Trigger/ content warning:  Mention of withdrawal 

To be completely honest, you never liked being an overly negative person. But in times like this, it was easier than getting out of bed. Or eating breakfast, or answering anybody's calls or texts. When you live the life you lived and have the family you have, it makes it even easier. Nothing good ever lasts, especially when worry sits on the back burner of your mind. Regardless of if the heat was on high or on low, it was always on. Boiling and bubbling over, spilling into every facet of your life. It was a mess, no matter how hard you tried to clean it up, you always got hurt. Leaving you with nothing but the burns, aches, and scars.

When you were younger, these things were always so hard. You couldn't do it over text, a simple message didn't feel like enough. Plus, calls were to some extent easier. At least with some people they were and with others everything was difficult.

Fezco picked up on the first ring. He hadn't seen or heard from you since that day. After Rue disappeared, you and him were out all night looking for her, until Fez decided you needed some sleep and took you home.

"Hi-"

"Hi-"

You spoke at the same time, laughing at the overlap. It was stupid how suck a small thing could make you smile for the first time in days.

"H-how you been."

And just like that, it fades. It's gone.

"Uh fine." You quickly move past it. "Rue came home, I don't know how, and I don't really care but uh I just wanted to let you know bye."

"Wai-"

Forcing yourself to hang up, you tried to take a breath, but the air came hoarse and thick. Again you tried and was met with the same fate. Your head dropped, eyes searching for something, anything to focus on to feel to hold. To ground you. Instead, your eyes were met with your recent calls. The names of friends and family glowing red, all the calls you missed. The only name in white was his.

And just like that in one swift move you went from sad to angry to disappointed. Before you realized it, your phone was across the room. Laying face down on the floor, screen probably shattered, well at least more shattered than it was before. Stupid fucking phone. Exhausted, you released a shaky sigh and decided it was time for another nap.

One pointless nap later, you woke up just as, if not more, tired than when you went to sleep. The next call you had to make was probably the easiest one. You knew Kat would be more focused on her boyfriend and the now broken dynamic of Maddy and Cassie to push you to open up. Speaking of Cassie, after you talked with Kat, you called Suze to let her and Lexi know how Rue was doing. Your mom told you that she had already talked to her, but Suze complained of a headache and wished Rue the best. And when she picked up your call, you understood why.

"Hi Suze." You greeted her a bit more informally than you could other mothers.

"Oh hi sweetheart, how have you been holding up?"

There was a heavy sincerity to her voice. It was coming from a place of someone who understood.

"We're fine. I'm fine."

"Oh, that's nice-" She began to speak more, but loud footsteps put her on pause. "Oh brother." Suze whispers to herself.

"Here's what I don't think people understand." A voice you could only assume was Cassie's began. "Okay, they were not together. Everyone thinks he cheated on Maddy with me, BUT THEY WEREN'T TOGETHER!" She yells and your eyes go wide at her volume.

"Yea, sweetie, I'm gonna have to call you back."

The last thing you hear before she hangs up is an incoherent, blood-curdling scream from Cassie.

Pulling your phone from your ear, you stared at it in disbelief.

"What the fuck?"

In all honesty, out of anybody in our life, Maddy was the only person you really wanted to talk to. In fact, the two of you didn't even have to talk. You just needed to see her, feel her. Your current situations weren't the same or even close, but you and Maddy were both in a very sensitive spot right now. It was a shared pain. Not just for yourselves or for your situations, but for each other. Knowing you were both hurting, you were both stuck and there was nothing either of you could do about it. Nothing besides talking to each other and praying the distraction was enough.

"Hi."

"Hey."

Your voices sounded identical. Tired and scratchy, most likely from crying or not speaking.

"How are you?" You ask sincerely curious and more than that concerned to how this whole thing was affecting her.

"Fucking awful." It was an understatement. "How about you? How's Rue and Gia?"

"Me, I'm fine, well fucking awful." You chuckle. "Rue is going through withdrawals, and she has a fever and Gia's just trying her best ya know. It's a lot for everyone."

"I'm sorry." She apologizes as most people do.

"It's fine... So." You could practically hear her roll her eyes over the phone."You can spare me the details, and we can talk about something else."

You told her truthfully. It was a very, very fresh wound and if she didn't want to talk, then you just wouldn't talk about it.

"No it's fine, I don't know, I need to do something. Something bad. They need to fucking hurt. Both of them."

"Cassie especially." You agreed.

"I just don't get it, what kind of fucking friend does that? I mean, what kind of fucking person does that ..."

Maddy's words drown out and Rue is all you hear, Rue is all you see.

*What kind of fucking sister are you! *

"Hello? Hello?" Maddy calls your name, and you were snapped back into the moment.

"Yea yes sorry um sorry I just I feel a little tired." You lied partially. "I think uh..." Your voice cracked, and your throat suddenly felt tight. "gonna take a nap, talk to you later, okay."

"O-okay bye."

"I love you bye."

"I love you too."