One Of Us

The Space Between Us

Sayuri Rei

My eyes drift down to the bandages on Dazai's arms. He's shed his trench coat and now wears his usual black satin vest over a white button down. His sleeves are rolled up and I can see the bandages on his arms

"Is that blood?" My voice is quiet, still processing what he's just said before.

...Saying things that make me want to kiss you...

"...No?" He tilts his head, studying me.

"That's not a question you're supposed to answer with another question." I say softly, moving closer to him to unravel the bandages over one arm. He looks down at me in a way that makes me think he doesn't believe it's really me standing infront of him.

                       As if he thinks I'm still gone. 

"You thought I was dead," my voice is barely a whisper as I uncover the split skin on his arm.

"Mm..."

I cover the cuts again and when I look up at Dazai, I can see the whites of his eyes are pink and glassy...

                                               He's crying.

I tuck the edge of the bandage under the other folds to keep it in place, turning my head to look Dazai in the eye. I take the time to really closely study his irises... They're chocolate brown, the same color as the sweetest milk chocolate, rimed with a deep auburn, and streaked with loops of caramel. His lashes are long, the same gentle brown as his sharp brows and shaggy, curly, ear-length hair.

A single, silent tear falls down his cheek. I brush a lock of hair out of his eyes, but it just falls right back into place. I try again, but it stubbornly falls back.

Both of us let out soft chuckles. Dazai's eyes roam my face, then move to my hair as he lifts a couple strands with steady hands. "You were gone so long I almost forgot what you looked like..."

I smile a little as I wipe away his tear, and only then do I realize I'm crying too. I offer a sad smile as he studies my colorless hair.

"What happened?" Dazai whispers.

"They wanted information... I didn't give it to them..." I say, staying still.

Dazai's fingers sift through the long strands of silver hair falling down my back. "I miss your red hair..." His voice is still small.

"Me too..."

He sniffles, "I should've come for you instead of just giving up on you." His voice broke, "Sayuri... when you were gone, I would've done anything to bring you back."

I don't exactly understand why he was so upset about me being gone.

"I've already lost so much," Dazai whispers, "and... I didn't work with you for long but... something about loosing you made me feel just so devastated that I- I couldn't control myself like usual." Another tear falls down his cheek, "I cried for you every night you were gone. I missed you, Rei..."

I smile a little, my face now wet with quiet tears, "I won't leave you again."

"How'd you pull it off?" Dazai asks suddenly after a moment of comfortable silence.

"What?"

"Being dead and all."

"Oh..." I smile a little, "dying is easy. It's the coming back part where things get a little tricky." Dazai brushes a tear from my cheek with the pad of his thumb and I fight to tamp down the warmth creeping up my neck.

Dazai smiles a little, and it's contagious. I feel a smile tugging at the corners of my own lips. "Y'know... you're awfully cute when you're trying not to blush."

I've lost control of my expression. A light blush turns my ears pink as Dazai dips his head ever so slightly.

My eyes flicker down to his mouth. I could kiss him if I just moved a tiny bit...

My heart drops and I spin away. I can't... I shouldn't...

But gods do I want to.

I raise my eyes to him again, and Dazai only watches me, his face expressionless.

Dazai nods, "Good night, Rei." He whispers and walks off to his room.

The air around me grows colder instantly without Dazai. I'm just now noticing how actually cold it is in his apartment. I fold my arms and shiver. My heart aches... another wave of hot tears flood down my face as I walk into my borrowed bedroom.

I guess I am good at disappointing people...