Thomas, I Love You

Chapter Eight

     Today is Friday and I have nothing to do after school. Paula is at tennis practice, Chris is giving guitar lessons, and Steven's out with some girl he met at the party last weekend. I feel like I'm the only one with no life right now.

     Lately, I've been thinking of Thomas. A lot. I don't even know him but I miss his almond eyes and sweet like honey accent. Some days I close my eyes and I can feel his hands on either side of my waist; holding me, protecting me. I miss his goofy smile and his thick hair.

     Thinking of him drives me mad! I've had enough.

     "Mom?" I cautiously peep into her room. My eyes take a while before landing on her hunched form before her desk. The desk she never uses. I expected to find her sprawled out in bed or watching some sappy romance film. "Mommy."

     She turns at the sound of my voice and quickly shuts her old Toshiba.

     Suspicious, I ignore my feelings for while and enter her bedroom and rest on her bed. Sometimes I get emotional when I use or see things that my mom and dad held close to them when they were together. The bed, is a perfect example. And other things like the coffee maker we used to have and the family photos that used to hang proudly on our old fridge. I am much better at containing my emotions and telling myself that it is what it is, but now and again a girl could use a good cry.

     "You alright?" I ask my mother. "You trying to find jobs?"

     As I expect, my mother sighs, defeated and rubs her temple.

 

     "No, Loni." She rubs harder I sense an oncoming migraine. "You know it's hard to do much that'll support the both of us with only a high school diploma and a devastating past."

     "I know, mommy," I answer quietly, my voice suddenly not functioning properly.

     "No one wants a thirty three year old woman with graying hair and outrageous bags under her eyes to assist customers in stores." She sighs again, reminding my of a deflating balloon. She looks terrible, so broken and lost. I want to help my mother, but I don't know what to do and where to start.

     "Mom..."

     "And I've pretty much worked every menial job in the area that barely requires a 2.0 GPA."

     I stand up and spin her around in her chair so I'm behind her. I place my hands on each other her tense shoulders and begin massaging. I do this often to help relax her and we talk, me mostly trying to encourage her that she's not a total failure at motherhood and at life.

     After a while of silence, I remove one hand from her shoulder and prop open her laptop quickly before she can shut it. The screen lights up and Match.com is displayed.

     "Aw, mom!" I exclaim, removing my other hand from her shoulder in the midst of my excitement. "You're trying dating again!"

     My mom spins back around in her chair and rolls her eyes hopelessly.

    "I-it's a terrible idea. I don't know what I was thinking-"

     "No!" I grin. "I'm so happy for you! Dating really boosts you self esteem, you know."

     My mother shakes her head.

     "Or diminishes it if something goes terribly wrong..."

     "Stop being so negative!"

     "Loni, who the hell would want to go out with a thirty three year old woman with two grown up kid and barely a house?"