Chapter Seventeen

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     Every time I think of last week with Thomas I get so excited. I can't sit still and I just want to be with him. We made a run for it to his car but, unfortunately, my make up artist and photographer pushed passed a struggling Kyle and saw us. Both Kyle and I were fired on the spot, but I didn't care. I kind of felt bad for Kyle, though. I know he's not in college at the moment, but even though he still lives with his parents, modelling gave him the money he needed to take care of himself. He told me that his parents are pretty strict and don't like spoiling him. They make him work for everything he has. With what he's told me I'm surprised they even let him take a gap year off college.

     Thomas and I couldn't stop smiling in the car on our way to his apartment. I knew the way through the building to his room and when we were inside, we decided on cuddling up to a movie. The movie was interesting, but I couldn't help but stare at Thomas for the whole time. 

     "You don't have to worry. I'm yours now. Forever. And I mean it."

     Chills prickle my skin and my cheeks grow hot. I couldn't watch the movie anymore. The tension was too much, the emotion overflowing. I grabbed Thomas and kissed him. I wanted him to know that I believed him through my kiss. I may be stupid and naÏve, but I am ready to take the risk of being heartbroken again. 

     Our kiss escalated and we ended up going all the way...With protection of course. I was so scared for many reasons. I thought about the possibility of me becoming pregnant or getting an STI or...It was just scary. I've had sex before, like twice, but both times I never really wanted to. Not as much as I did with Thomas. With Thomas, I felt so hot and so ready. I needed him. He needed me, I could feel it. It was literally like it was only the two of us in the whole world. I might've fallen several times and bruised my shoulder as Thomas attempted to be manly and romantic and carry me bridal style to his bedroom, but it's okay. I'll live. 

     Yes, it was awkward and weird at first-not anything like it is in movies, but it was also perfect. It was two people making love, actual love. Not just having sex. Thomas didn't rush anything, he didn't force me. He didn't expect me to know what to do, which I was so grateful for. We both kind of just went along with it and got more experience as we went on. He was so gentle and sweet to me, moving his hips slow and carefully. He held me like I was going to break, which only made me want him more. It hurt, it really did, because I was a little tight for not having sex in a long time, but eventually I got looser and Thomas was able to move faster and deeper.

     And boy, did I scream.

     But that was yesterday, and today is today. And today, I need to concentrate on other things.

     "Dad?" I knock on my father's office door gently. My heart is actually pounding, I'm so nervous. Why am I nervous? It's just dad! 

     Dad looks up at me after a few seconds of scribbling something down on a notepad. I wait outside, awkwardly, praying he'll invite me in.

     "Come in, kiddo," he finally says, sighing in exasperation.

     I cautiously enter, taking in my surroundings. Dad never lets anybody in his office. He keeps it locked when he's not in the house and the cleaning ladies are. He's just so much of a freak when it comes to organizing his work. I don't mind. I've never really wanted to come in here, besides to satisfy my thirst for exploration. 

      There's a seat across his big, authoritative desk and I sit down.

     "Dad." I inhale. "I really need to talk to you about something."

     I'm biting the side of my lip, praying he'll have time for me. Dad is just such a busy man, he rarely just...relaxes. I think this is one of the reasons mom and dad divorced. Dad was always working and had his head buried in a laptop, not giving mom enough attention. She felt put aside and even accused him of cheating. My dad never cheated on her, not that I know of. My dad loved her, and she loved him. Though they fell out of love, my dad is still a really great person. 

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