BANALITY : Draco Malfoy

48

Draco doesn't step closer to me, and I am thankful. I am pinned in the room, and I cannot escape.

"Leave," I tell him.

He looks at me. His hand reaches forward for a second, but I turn my head away from him, looking at the ground.

"I don't want to go," he says. I can hear him swallow.

"You did heinous crimes," I manage to say.

"It was a war," he continues.

Yes, so I've been told over and over again. I feel the effects of that war in my head every day, even if I haven't seen it, not just because I have no proper memories but because I was locked in a room for most of its duration.

"You killed the only chance of fixing my head," I feel like the walls are closing in.

"You cannot expect that I could've known Theo was lying," Draco presses. "I killed him for you."

"Was Marty the kind of person who appreciated retribution?" I look back at him. "I'm not. Well, I suppose you'll never have the opportunity to ask Marty, will you?"

He scrunches his nose, stepping back. He lingers, but when neither of us has anything left to say, he leaves the room.

From there, I finally let myself sit on the bed. If my brain wasn't broken, I'd probably be able to categorize all the information that has been forced upon me as of late. I met Draco so recently. It hasn't even been three weeks inside this house and the rate at which I am going mad has increased exponentially. Maybe it is time to leave. I could go to Canada, to the place where Marty always wanted to be sent away.

I'll never be her though, and Draco will always be there waiting for me to be her again.

I force myself to lie down. I'm not tired. I hate sleeping. The nightmares that I cannot remember must be hers. I wish we could just make my existence here known and public, and get a doctor, be it the one that knows me from school, or one that is more of a specialist in the field.

Everyone seems to think it is hopeless, and everyone knows much more about magic than I do anyway. All there is to do is give up. Eventually, I will have to run away, because I can't be free while Pansy is hunting me down, and because Draco cannot live here and be free regardless of Pansy.

I five and I four and I three and I two and I one. There is alcohol in Draco's trunk in the room. His trunk is under a charm so that it holds more than the actual volume, so it takes me a while to dig through for the alcohol, all the while panicking because I have yet to reach one. My hands are shaking when I uncork it. I drink it because fuck if it matters. The augurey tears are my only hope, and if phoenix tears can cure anything like Luna claims, that can certainly cure a hangover.

Finally, I make my way downstairs. I sit on each step to make my way down. I suppose that since I haven't eaten since lunch yesterday, I am much more intoxicated than I had expected to be. I've got no clue what time it is. Certainly, it must be midday by the time I safely slide down the stairs. I refuse to fall, and alcohol does predispose even the most graceful to clumsiness. Once I reach the bottom, I can hear soft chatter coming from the living room. Ron has a hearty laugh. I cannot imagine laughing ever again. At least, not like that.

At the bottom of the stairs, I make my way down the hall. Their voices quiet.

So, I step into the room. My wand is once more on the coffee table. While I do not remember leaving it behind, I must have dropped it while panicking. I pick it up, doing my best to keep myself straight and my composure still.