Keeping Secrets

Chapter 21

The four remaining members of the group watched in utter disbelief as Maya boarded the same SUV as Asad and Raghav, in handcuffs. It was still incredible for them. Nikki had stood up for Maya countless times when the others had tried to exclude her from anything fun. "It's either all of us or none of us," she always said.

A grim, cruel sense of realization crept in as the groups packed their luggage and quietly boarded their vehicles without a word. Nobody had anything to say to anyone. Their unbreachable bond of trust had been breached. Now that all their secrets were out in the open, they found themselves and each other much harder to love. One of their closest friends was a murderer, another had been convicted in a rape case, one had had an affair with one of their parents, and yet another had broken relationships to be more popular. Kevin's biggest and only mistake seemed to be that he could not muster up the courage to let Nikki know his feelings sooner than he had, but he was also the only one blessed with the comfort of uncertainty. Would things have been any different if he had? There was no way to tell anymore. The one thing everyone knew for certain was that the only person capable of loving them despite their terrible secrets was gone. Every abominable act of hatred that Nikki had been subjected to that night had come from someone she had trusted. Trust had become the fatal flaw of the person who had spent a lifetime being cruel to herself for wanting anything from anyone. Nikki had been unfortunately betrayed every time she had believed anyone, and the trajectory had sadly continued even on her way out of life.

Gaurav found himself stealing a photograph of Nikki. He never thought he would end up this vested in a teenager he did not understand: yet, he felt like she had changed his perception of life, love and the lack thereof. Even the most victorious moment of justice in the case, the turnaround time of fewer than three days, and the recognition he was about to receive in his department felt shallow, like someone had burnt a hole somewhere in his heart. Perhaps it was the way life had failed a very young victim, who never got to see the best parts of it. Or perhaps it was the idea of all the unrequited love Nikki had put out into the world, which was visible in every message she had ever sent. It was the idea of this girl standing on the street wearing her heart on her sleeve until she was convinced that trading it off in slices was still good riddance. Gaurav felt something get immensely heavy where his heart once used to be.

The most strikingly unfortunate thing about the case was how Nikki's entire life could have been different if she had made it alive through this holiday. Given the two gruesome attacks on her on the same night, it was unlikely but if she had lived to see that day, she would probably have seen love too or known how life can feel when it isn't so cold and empty. He lamented what she had lost on her behalf. These were rare moments when the triumph of justice did not make Gaurav's heart race and his blood pump.

He watched everyone pack their bags and load them into their vehicles. Nikki's group was the last to leave. Ryan's phone was ringing off the hook. After disconnecting the call a couple of times, he perhaps turned it off before tossing it into the glove compartment. Aryan helped Ruby haul her rucksack into the jeep before giving her a hand to step into the vehicle. Ruby looked like a broken doll, she had to be pushed around towards the next activity by one of her remaining friends.

Throughout the case, it was Kevin, more than anyone else, who had desperately wanted to believe that none of his friends had anything to do with Nikki's death. He could not imagine any of his closest friends being responsible for ending every chance of the beautiful dream he was so close to living. It was evidently a devastating thing to come to terms with. Kevin boarded the second jeep, alone, and tailed the others to the gate, from where Gaurav saw the two vehicles set off in different directions.

The world would have been a different place if justice could be equal and opposite, as we would have loved for it to be, but just because it is hard to find that fair spot, never undermines its real worth. Sometimes, justice can look like finding the truth and coming to terms with it. Sometimes it looks like a person being understood for who they are. In this case, all of Nikki's friends had found out all the secrets she had guarded with her life. Yet, when everyone flipped their cards on the table, her perverse little secret had turned out to be the least spiteful of them all.

He stubbed his cigarette just in time for the convoy to pull up once again. He quickly put on his aviators before turning to face the sun again. Summer was officially over in Gwam, and so was the case. This was definitely not going to be his last, but it was going to be one of those cases that would have a lasting impact on him. It was one of those rare stories that had moved (and completely shaken) the person behind his badge. Gaurav found himself peeking into his pocket at the picture he had stolen earlier, slowly starting to replace the image of her mutilated body with that of the girl in the photograh. Both these images had been the simultaneous truth of her life even while she had lived, but maybe, just like everyone else, Nikki deserved to be remembered for the love she gave, and not the love she did not receive.