The Alpha's Cursed Mate

Chapter 32

The window pane attached to Alexei's chambers creaks as I push it open from the outside. Grappling the weather-worn exterior bricks of the keep, I peer to the courtyard three stories below where guards and workers roll in a new shipment, unaware that I've crept past them and scaled the building this high. Piled snow falls from the narrow ledge where I stand when I adjust my feet to climb through the window, but the wind sweeps it up and it disperses with the gust.

I hull myself through the window and onto the bedchamber floor. A part of me hopes to see Alexei rush in from the washroom or living room, but I soon realize the apartment is empty. I get up and examine my filthy nightdress; it's probably best he doesn't see me like this. I have enough to fear when I come face to face with him and must endure the scent of his blood for the first time, but with the experience I've had escaping the city, I'm hopeful that with a full stomach, I'll be able to restrain myself.

My bloody nightdress drops around my feet, and I pick it up for cleaning. I fill the water basin in the washroom and use a clean cloth to scrub the dried blood from my body and face, having difficulty with the crevices of my fingernails. I wash my feet as well which have collected dust and dirt from what seems to be the entirety of the forest, and by the time my skin is clear, the water in the basin is black. I pour it out and then sit at my dressing table adorning in my robe. It feels strange to do my routine as though I haven't changed, but I brush my hair, rub in my creams, and dab rose-perfumed oil behind my ears and on my wrists.

I pull a fresh shift over my head and take my green dress from the wardrobe. After I finish dressing, I stand in the dressing table mirror and lay my hair over one shoulder, stroking it anxiously. It doesn't surprise me that I couldn't scrub the color back into my body — I still look rather haunting, but not ill, not in my eyes. I near the mirror and lean toward it to look closer at my eyes that now swirl slightly in the iris and glow faintly like a bobcat's. I look closer and closer until my head almost touches the glass.

I swallow and reel back. Yes, it is very haunting, but if it is possible to see light in this darkness, then I'm not afraid to admit an ethereal quality of my new appearance. My hand delicately cups my cheek, and I turn from the mirror before my blood tears dirty me again.

Months ago I would have loved to look otherworldly if it meant I was powerful and capable of being a great leader whom no one would even think of crossing. So much has changed since then, and I've been taught to know better. I don't want to be stuck as a monstrosity. My bond to the God is broken, yet all that remains of me is corrupt. An eternal sadness eats at my core, a hopelessness I haven't felt since the loss of my family.

If I cannot accept myself as I am now, what ensures my mate will still love me?

Impatient, I leave the apartment in search of Alexei, hoping anyone who notices my change in appearance deduces it to the drained, pale look of sickness. That's what I'm supposed to be, after all. Gaius comes here with no invitation to validate our claim that Tabitha's contaminated me, and I think I very much look contaminated as long as I walk slowly and hunch my shoulders. I'll cough into my elbow and faint if I must. Not a soul has uttered the idea of vampirism; it's as dead in their eyes as the last vampire the Alphas slayed. There isn't any reason for them to believe I've turned into one.

All I want is to see Alexei and show him I'm alright.

I traverse the keep to the main hall and then into the corridor of the usual meeting room. The doors of the meeting room are open, and I hear Gaius' distinctive voice.

"We should have expected this from her, no? A woman takes the Alpha position, and everyone leaves it alone, attends her mated promises, but not me," he preaches to whoever is in the room. I stop just beyond the doorway and listen. "No, I knew something had to be wrong. She has a witch at her side for Goddess's sake; those God-worshipers spread their legs for iniquity, pledge their souls to His abyss, and rebuke Her ways, Her gifts, Her light... The girl is polluted by the God, and Alpha Tophet knows it. He's known since the night of their promises when she didn't bleed."