The Bad Girl ➳ Lauren Jauregui

Epilouge

Today would've been a year that we were together.

Lauren would've been 19, and headed off to college.

I've learned in life that shit happens unexpectedly. Things don't just turn out like you think they would.

Lauren and I were so happy, but one idiots' mistake took her out of my life.

And to think, she was about to stop the dealing to keep herself alive. What irony.

I began to fade away from the girls but they've always found their way back in my life. No matter how much I bitch at them or sarcastically spew words out, they are my friends. They really love me. I appreciate that. Especially now. Sometimes I'm just so sad that I say the meanest things to them, but they are still there for me everyday.

I stopped cheering completely, though. What's the point? I can't have pep if it's all been drained out at me.

I've learned to appreciate things a lot more. The twins and I don't fight as often, but that's probably because I don't leave my room as much. It's not because I'm depressed, but because there's nothing to do and nowhere to go.

On occasion, I'll leave to drive up to the cliff and try to latch on to that little piece of her that I have left.

I have pictures and short videos but nothing that can replace her hold and love.

I am depressed, though. Why wouldn't I be? I just lost the love of my life.

The good news is that I'm doing better than I was. I'm actually starting to do all the things I used to do like eat normally, go to school, everything.

Right now, I have a bouquet of red roses that I'm going to put on her grave. I haven't been here since her birthday when I left another boquet there.

I walked up the grassy landscape to see the headstone.

'Lauren Michelle Jauregui
1996-2015
Gone too soon'

I hated that inscription on her headstone. 'Gone too soon' was such an understatement. She was gone before her time. Soon wasn't an answer that I wanted. I wanted her to live longer with me by her side. She was took away before she had even got to live.

I sat the roses down on the grave and did what I did to my Grandpa's grave. I said my goodbyes.

"Hey Lauren," I sighed. "One year. That would've been crazy." I tried to sound happy but I wasn't. Not at all. "I miss you a lot. God, there's not a day that goes by that something doesn't remind me of your eyes or your laugh. Everything." The tears started piling up. "I'm going to graduate soon. I know you'd be proud of me. If you were here, we'd be planning the wedding and getting a house ready in Chile." I laughed thinking of our past plans. "I just want you to know that I love you and everyday is shit without you. I try to move on and I can't. You were my soul mate. My true love. I know life goes on, and I'll continue to live it. But I don't need anyone else to be happy. You were the one who made this shit town bearable. You said to me that you weren't afraid of dying because you lived your life good and no one lives forever. Well that's a fucking lie. You're living forever in my heart, babe. You gotta know that." I tried to keep myself from crumbling. "I gotta go before I start to overthink things. I just want you to know that no matter what, you're my Jauregui. I appreciated every moment I ever had with you and I want to have them back more than anything. I love you, Lauren."

I got up from the grass and started to walk to my car. I got in and did my best to stop the tears before I started driving so it wouldn't blur my vision or cause me to make bad judgements.

I'll never forget her. And I know she'll be watching me from above. Her protectiveness will carry with me and I know she'll cause me to make the right decisions.

I don't regret falling in love with the bad girl. In the end, she was worth it all.