Gray Area (sequel to White Noise)

Ch 25 - Elephant In The Room

The reception was a blast, all of us dancing and laughing until it hurt. I was taking a break and standing by myself, watching people making fools of themselves on the dance floor, when Michael approached me from behind. "So," he said, startling me, "can we go somewhere and talk now?"

It was inevitable that I was going to have to honor my promise sooner or later. But I was still trying to put him off for as long as possible. "Michael, we're the maid of honor and best man. It would be rude if we left right now."

"Come on, babe. It'll only take five minutes."

"Don't call me 'babe.' Later, okay?"

"If you don't come with me, I'm going to kiss you right here in front of everyone," he threatened, moving from behind me to face me head on.

"You most certainly will not!" I retorted, taking a step back.

"Yes, I most certainly will!" He put his hands on my waist and pulled my hips to his, his lips diving for mine while I dodged them and tried to wiggle free.

"Okay, asshole. Fuck. Five minutes. That's all the time you're getting. But don't you dare try anything funny while we're alone. I mean it." I was smiling internally at his satisfied grin, but I'd never let him know that. He let go, and I pushed past him, heading to my room. It was the only private place that came to mind.

When we entered the room, Michael sat down on the edge of the bed, motioning for me to do the same. But I sat in the chair next to the bed instead, images of the last time we had been in that bed together flashing in my head. I glanced at my wrist, looking at an imaginary watch, and said, "Go ahead, the clock is ticking."

Michael took a deep breath, and his whole demeanor changed. He messed with his hair, as he tends to do when he's nervous. My heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest as he began speaking. "We need to talk about this huge elephant in the room, Lex. It's not going to go away until we do."

"I know, Mikey. And I know what you're going to say. But don't. Just don't. Please." I pleaded, reaching over and placing my hand on his, then immediately withdrawing it. I knew the more I touched him, the more I'd want. "We were both drunk. Shit happened. That's all."

"That's not an excuse, Lex. We've both been far more wasted than that before and didn't do anything. And, for the record, from what I remember, it wasn't 'shit,' okay? Don't roll your eyes at me, dammit. Besides, I'm not just talking about the sex. There's more to it than that, and we both know it."

Oh, shit. Here we go.

"Michael, I can't do this, okay? I'm not getting involved with you. In the end, someone always ends up getting hurt. I'm done with that. And I'm done with this conversation. You know that you mean the world to me, Michael. You don't deserve to get hurt. And that's exactly what's going to happen if you don't drop this and pretend it never happened."

"See? You just admitted that you care about me. You promised me five minutes, and my time isn't up yet. Just shut up and hear me out, okay?"

I sighed in resignation, unable to refuse the pleading in his face and voice. I nodded my head for him to continue. I hated being so stubborn, but I couldn't help it. Years of training had made it second nature.

"I know you're scared, Lex. I'm afraid of getting hurt, too. I've never had anyone want me for anything other than the bragging rights. But I know it's not like that with you. And it goes both ways. I want you to believe me when I say this," he pointed back and forth between the two of us, "is more than sexual attraction to me, Alexis. It always has been. I know I come across as an arrogant asshole just trying to get laid. But don't you realize that if that's all I wanted, I would have given up a long time ago?" He paused and took a deep breath. "I know we were under the influence, but when we both let down our guard the other night, damn, babe, it felt right. It felt right in here," he explained, putting his hand over his heart. "Are you going to deny it?"

It took every ounce of energy I had to not cry as I spoke. My brain and heart were battling, and I was dying inside. "Michael, you don't understand. This," I said, motioning between the two of us as he had, "never works out for me. Never. Why would it be any different with you?"

"Because I fucking love you, maybe? Because I care enough to treat you right? Because I know, somewhere behind that wall you've built, you feel the same about me?"

I physically could not move. I could hardy breathe, and all I kept hearing were those three words. Well, four words: I fucking love you.

Looking defeated, Michael sighed, "Look, I'm not going to beg you to change your mind. It has to be something that you want in order to work. I'm just letting you know how I really feel for once. And I wish you'd do the same. If I'm wrong, and you honestly don't ..."

I zoned out for a minute as he kept talking. I suddenly came to the realization that I was not only hurting myself by pretending that I didn't care, but I was hurting Michael, too. And, like I told him, he didn't deserve to get hurt. If he loved me, as I loved him, I was being a complete selfish bitch for denying him the love that he wanted and very much deserved. I had no valid reason to keep pushing him away. It was time to open my heart and let him in.

I had lost track of what he was saying, but it didn't matter at that point anyway. He had already won me over. I interrupted his speech, unable to keep the words in any longer. I nearly sobbed when I said, "I love you, too, Michael."

"You...wh-... you do? Seriously?"

I giggled at his surprised tone and expression. He was suddenly back to acting like a child. "Yes, you idiot. I fucking love you, too. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to accept it. But I swear to God, Clifford, if you ever so much as think about breaking my heart, I'll rip yours out with my bare hands. Got it?"

"Got it. But that's never going to happen, I promise," he said, wiping away my tears that had escaped.

"Will you do me a favor, though?" I asked.

"Anything."

"Stop being so damn serious. I don't like it."

He chuckled at my request. "Okay I'll go back to being my usual immature, perverted self now. Is that what you want?"

"Yes, please. And you know what else I want?" I asked, feeling a little frisky all of a sudden. I stood and slowly pulled up my dress enough so that I could straddle his lap. I put my shaky hands in his hair to pull his face closer to mine. In return, he brought his hands to my hips, pulling me as close as possible. It felt so natural. And, like he described it, right.

I hesitated, getting so lost in his eyes that I had almost forgotten that I'd just asked him a question. He breathed heavily against my lips, "Fuck, Lex. Tell me what you want."

Drawing out the sweet torture as long as I could tolerate it, my lips lingered over his a few more seconds, not quite touching, but I could still feel them. "Nah. I think I'd rather show you."