Seaglass Promises in the Midnight Sky

Past Promises

Lorraine had never really gotten a nickname. She never really hung out with anyone other than Taylor. Her mom had called her all sorts of things. The story goes that she didn't actually know her name for the first three years of her life because her mom would call her anything from "Lorraine" to "Lovebug." When she died the nicknames died with her and everything else that reminded them of her. It was just how Lorraine and her dad did things. How they got by in her absence.

These days are harder. When she thinks of graduating and realizes her mom isn't going to be there for any of it. For all the sorts of things moms are necessary for.

Her mom used to tell her stories of mermaids and sailors. Of sea glass promises. Apparently her dad gave her mom a promise ring with sea glass instead of a jewel because she had always wanted to see the ocean.

They don't talk about it, but Lorraine thinks thats why they moved to Georgia after she died.

Her dad doesn't say anything about the sea glass. She's sure he knows why she keeps collecting them. Neither of them are ready to talk about it though, about her. She is the perpetual elephant in the room. Constantly haunting them.

It's warm, even at night. There's a breeze but it's light. The world is dark and quiet, but for the gentle crashing of the waves. If she turned around there would be plenty of noise, of light.

They were playing board games, everyone but Conrad and the parents, when Lorraine left. The house next door seems to be up as well, a few of their lights still on.

Lorraine tries to find the horizon in the sea that stretches from navy blue to pitch black.

These days are the hardest. When she feels alone in a way only one person can cure. One person who isn't here anymore.

She tells herself to roll with the punches. She tells herself it will feel better tomorrow. The grief comes and goes, she knows, but everytime it overwhelms her it feels like it's dug itself a home in her bones. It feels as permanent as her death. Lorraine worries that it's a part of her these days. Something she just has to live with. But she doesn't know how to live with it. How is she supposed to live with it?

"Hey. Lorraine? I'm so sorry I forgot what day it was." Taylor's voice interrupts her thoughts but not for very long and the acknowledgement of it makes everything worse.

Her vision blurs and she tells herself to breathe, she tries to breathe, but it's impossible. Her chances of finding the horizon now are similarly grim.

Arms wrap around her and she distantly notes that Taylor is whispering encouragements. She thinks her mom would have loved Taylor.

Lorraine cries herself hoarse, she cries until the air drops a couple degrees and Taylor grows quiet, arms still holding her. She cries until it's a little bit easier to breathe.

The two of them sit in silence for a while after that. Lorraine leans her head against Taylors and whispers, "Thank you."

"Anytime." Taylor responds just as softly.

Lorraine doesn't know what time it is when they eventually go back to the house but the lights next door are out and there's no one in the living room anymore. Board games stashed away again, Lorraine assures Taylor for the eighth time that she's alright sleeping alone downstairs.

Taylor trudges upstairs with a promise to spent the next two days glued to Lorraine's side. It leaves the ghost of a smile on Lorraine's lips as she heads to the kitchen for water before going to sleep.

"You're still up?" Lorraine asked at the sight of Conrad sitting at the counter messing with his phone.

"Yep," He answered looking up at her. He flipped his phone over, staring down at the case, "I- uh- actually wanted to check on you."

"What?"

"All day you seemed kind of upset and then you weren't with everyone playing games so I thought- Taylor went to find you but I wanted to make sure you guys weren't like lost in the sea or anything."

"Thanks. I just miss my mom." She admitted, not sure if she could say anything more without once again transforming into a river of tears.

"Oh." Silence followed, him looking at his phone and her looking at him.

"Do you want to watch Shrek?" He asked, meeting her gaze.

"What?"

"I want to watch Shrek and you made me stay up so you're going to watch it with me." He declared, picking up his phone and sliding off the stool.

"Am I now?" Lorraine asked, trying to keep the smile off her face.

"Yep. But first, we'll need food."