The Ditches

Chapter Eleven

After we arrived at the mansion Hara went straight to her room, presumably to vomit in peace. I showered, stared at the picture Hara sent me. Stared at the pictures of myself to determine if I'm attractive of not—no conclusion was formed— and now I'm on the balcony watching the sun rise.

Cantral liked sunrises, maybe I'm watching this for her. I haven't thought about her much since arriving on Arrah, but I do now, and it fills me with hopelessness. Once, I loved her so much and now, I don't like her. I wonder if Hara may suffer the same fate. Just another victim. Sunlight spills over the horizon, erupting like a volcano. The day begins anew.

Careful bangs vibrate from the other side of my door, and I welcome the interruption. I find a maid stood there; she hands me a piece of paper. I unfold the note whilst being stared at with distrustful eyes.

"Hi Ramet,

Want to have breakfast in my room? Just follow Erna, she'll take you.

Hara."

"Just one moment." I dart back into my room, untie my hair, fluff it up in the mirror and stare at my reflection. Fine. "I'm ready."

I walk beside Erna, her oversized Gloran eyes taking conspicuous glances at every opportunity. Hara's half Gloran, but her arrah features are more pronounced. Erna knocks on a door and Hara shouts us in.

Anxiety rumbles in the pit of my stomach. Last night, Hara said she wanted to kiss me. I wonder what she will say this morning

I step inside as my escort walks away. Hara's room is three times the size of mine. Open doors lead to a balcony garden and a hot tub. I sit on a sofa opposite Hara before a low table filled with pastries.

"You look rough," I say.

"You have no idea." She pulls a white fluffy dressing gown tighter around her body to prevent gaping. "I vomited so much last night. I'm sorry about being sick on you. I'm so embarrassed."

I laugh. It's nerves. "Usually, my kisses don't induce vomiting."

Hara blushes. "It wasn't the kiss ... but maybe it's good that it happened?" She reaches for a pastry.

"Interesting angle." I grab a pastry too. "Do elaborate."

"We were both very drunk." Hara takes a delicate bite. "Best that we stopped before we did anything we really regretted."

"You would have regretted more happening with me?"

"Tomorrow we start another job," Hara says seriously, and she returns the pastry to her plate. "We have to focus. My father spoke to me last night after we returned, he promised me that this will be my last job. I know he means it this time."

"Would you have regretted more happening with me?" I repeat, an exasperated edge slips into my voice.

"I didn't invite you here to argue—"

"For fucks sake Hara! Yes, or no?"

"Yes!"

"Ramet let's forget about hook ups. I've ordered shots, let's play a game. I want to kiss you," I say, and I'm fairly proud of my impression of Hara. "Admit that you caught feelings and your goal for last night was to kiss me, and probably fuck me, and now you're scared."

"You couldn't be more wrong. You just like me and you're seeing things that aren't there."

"What?" My face scrunches. "You asked for a naked picture of me!"

"Only because you asked for one of me."

"No! I saw your face when you received it!" I shout and my fists thump against the sofa cushions. Hara's eyes widen. I lean forwards ready to go berserk. Ready to tear her down just like I used to with Cantral. An image of Cantral appears in my head, stood by the window on her Battle Cruiser, after I ripped into her. She never said anything, she never argued back. But she looked at me like I couldn't be more of a disappointment. Maybe it was me, maybe I was the monster in the relationship all along.