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Holly's POV
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It's one of those mornings, and I know it as soon as I sit up in bed at the sound of my alarm going off. I groan softly and push my face further into my pillow, pulling my warm duvet around me.
I don't want to get up. It feels like I'm fading.
My heart sinks at the idea of having to face another day. My chest seems to ache with something only curable with more sleep and patience, and the anxiety of having to go to school today is enough to make me burrow under the covers like a bear in hibernation.
My alarm is still going off softly, the tinkle of the sound like daggers to my ears. I reach out a lazy hand to stop the noise, but instead, knock my phone off the tale altogether. Why am I so bloody useless?
Yes. It's one of those mornings. One of those mornings where everything I do is wrong and terrile and makes me feel like a guilty piece of shit. It's one of those mornings where brushing my hair and doing my makeup makes me want to bang my head against the wall repeatedly. It's one of those mornings where I just don't want to exist and just cry in bed for hours and hours and hours, until Charlie comes bounding in to lick my face. It's one of those mornings that make me feel frustrated and emotional for no reason at all.
I get out of bed and shove on my school uniform. I drag a brush through my hair and add lashings of mascara without any eyeliner as I have no energy to carry out such a task. I stuff my books into my schoolbag with much disgust and throw it onto my bed before sitting down next to it, letting my face fall into my hands for a much deserved mental breakdown. I don't understand the way I am, and it does my bloody head in. I just want to be normal.
My alarm is still going off at this point, and in my frustrated mindset, I kick my phone against the wall. After a second of realizing what I've done, I pick it up again and dust it off. Thankfully, the screen is intact and the wall has no evidence of damage done to it.
I look myself over in the mirror and let out a sigh of defeat. I look really bad, and I can't change it. How I wish I could change my face so badly. I trace my freckles in the mirror and sigh at my face. I look so tired and worn out and I hate it because I can feel it too. I feel so heavy all the time as if I'm walking around with a constant stomach ache.
"Holly! Breakfast!"
JJ's voice makes my lips tremble and I put my finger on them, hoping to make them still. I can't keep breaking like this at the thought of everyday life. I have to get it together.
I leave my bag on my bed and make my way onto the landing and downstairs towards the kitchen. I see Ella grabbing an umbrella from the basket by the front door and buttoning up her coat, checking her hair in the mirror. She spots me in the reflection and turns around, all smiles.
"Goodmorning, sweetheart," she says softly, gathering me into a hug. "Ready for school?"
JJ and Ella have been really nice and gentle ever since I got the train up to London to stay with Deji. I ended up staying only for the night and then going back home the next day, but the pain of moving hasn't left yet, and the conversation hasn't been brought up again either. I assume it's been paused for now, but it won't be for long. Sooner or later they'll have to make a decision and I know it'll crush me either way.
I mumble a 'yes' to Ella's question and stop talking when her perfume makes a lump form in my throat. She smells so nice and comforting and the thought of her walking out that door for the day makes me want to collapse. I know she has a job and has to go in to work, but sometimes I wish she was a stay at home girlfriend because I miss her so much.
"Are you sure?" Ella asks, rubbing my back. "You look a bit pale, darling"
I nod, not trusting myself to speak. Ella checks her watch and sighs.
