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Holly's POV
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The next morning I stay in the lodge with Talia, Ryan, Freya and Tobi while the rest of the boys and Faith go out onto the slopes. Talia prefers babysitting Olive and baking treats in the lodge than skiing, so she's been giving Faith lots of time to enjoy herself during the trip.
I snuggle into the sofa scrolling through my TikTok for you page and let the fire that JJ lit earlier crackle and spit calmly in the hearth of the fireplace, warming me up. It snowed pretty heavily last night, so the others should have fun skiing in the fresh snow, however, Talia said we should try and build a snowman later and take advantage of the snow. Tobi said he would help.
"Heya"
Speak of the devil.
I look up from my phone and see Tobi walking towards me with two mugs of tea, steam rising off of the surface. He has his tea with milk, but I refuse to ruin a perfectly good cup of tea with that gross stuff. There is nothing worse to me than milk, especially when it's off. I remember the time the Sidemen and I all lived together and I went into Harry's room to get my charger back and I saw he had a mug of milk sitting on his desk. When I picked it up, it jiggled and smelt GRIM, and Harry just laughed when I called him a walking health hazard. I think that put me off milk forever. Don't even get me started when I asked him how long the mug had been sitting there and he said he couldn't remember.
DISGUSTANG.
"Thanks, Uncle Tobe," I smile warmly, taking the mug from his hand.
Tobi sits down next to me and sips from his own mug, his eyes watching me carefully. I smile back, unable to keep a straight face when I notice people staring at me.
"What?" I ask. "You're freaking me out"
Tobi shakes his head and chuckles, his tone having a sad tinge to it when he speaks next.
"JJ said you were struggling a bit yesterday. He's worried about you, you know?"
I nod. "I know, but we talked and I think we figured out what to do"
Tobi looks doubtful.
"Holly, you know if anything goes wrong you can always come to me if you don't feel heard or seen, right?"
Ah, Tobi. The sweetest Sideman.
"I know, Tobi. Thanks"
"And if you're struggling you've got everyone in this house and the troops. We're always here for you, no matter what"
My heart feels light when I think about Tobi's kind words, letting them seep into my mind and stick. I miss living with Tobi in the old Sidemen house- I miss living with everyone else, because I could just knock on whoever's doors and rant whenever I wanted. I get that we all move on and have lives to live, but I will forever miss those years I'll never be able to relive, living with the guys. I definitely took it for granted and I kick myself now wishing I had appreciated the time with the boys more.
"Thanks, Tobi. I appreciate it"
"Just as long as you know we're here," Tobi says, squeezing my hand gently.
"I know"
I take another sip of my tea and look into the fire feeling my lungs burn. I hate talking about how I feel with people, especially the guys and JJ and Ella and Talia, and everyone else. The only time I like to talk about the way I feel is on my Twitch streams, and that's IT.
My phone pings and I check the message. It's a selfie sent into the groupchat that contains me, the troops, and the other girls. It's our travel groupchat as we figured it would be easier to plan outings and flights and activities if everyone was in the same chat instead of having to do it separately. The selfie shows Harry, Vik, and Josh smiling, their goggles glinting in the sun, the snow as white as dove feathers behind them. Seeing them happy makes me happy and I flash my screen at Tobi who also smiles. Tobi would've gone with the others in the morning, but he said he wanted to sleep in and take the day to rest as he had meetings late at night over zoom. I guess I would've gone earlier too, but after yesterday, I feel drained of energy.
