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Holly's POV
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I wake to the sound of Christmas music and the smell of cinnamon in the air. The smell makes me sit up in bed and rub my eyes to make sure this isn't a dream, and I smile when I spot a Robin perched elegantly on the windowsill in front of me. I remember reading that Robin's are rare and that they only visit when a dead relative wants to come and say hello. It makes me sad to realize that most of my relatives are unknown or dead, and I wonder who could be outside my window. It could be my mother.
I get out of bed and walk to my window, my bare feet cold on the wooden floor of my bedroom. As I approach, the robin eyes me, cocking its head to the side to figure out my intentions. I slowly slide the window open and watch the bird in awe. The robin is plump and the orange feathers adorning its chest are beautiful.
"Hey," I whisper, leaning out of the window to get a better look. "Mum? Is that you?"
The robin looks at me like I'm stupid and I sigh. Of course. How could I be looking for my mother in a bird?
"Oh, good. You're up"
I look over my shoulder and see JJ standing in my doorway. He's smiling and I quickly push a smile onto my face too, trying to hide the disappointment of the robin in front of me.
"Come away from the window, you weirdo," JJ chuckles, rubbing his hands together. "It's freezing enough as it is"
"Sorry," I mutter, saying a mental goodbye to the robin before shutting the window.
"Ella's made some pancakes and stuff for breakfast if you wanna come downstairs"
"Yeah," I nod. "I'll be right there"
JJ nods back and leaves my room, leaving the door a crack open. I sigh and push my hair back off my face with my hands and tell myself to get it together. I have a family. Mum's dead. I just need to focus on being happy for the holidays and spending it with the people who love and care about me. Sometimes I just wish I could be normal and have a biological family, but I dismiss the thoughts always because it makes me sound ungrateful to have JJ when that's not the case at all. I do love the life I have with JJ and Ella and the Sidemen and everyone else that comes with the package, but I always catch myself staring at families in public, wishing that I could be a part of that one day.
I turn away from the window and push another smile onto my face. I lazily drag a brush through my hair and then leave my bedroom, making my way downstairs where there's laughter and nice smells.
"Morning," I announce, walking into the kitchen.
"Good morning," Ella grins, unloading a bunch of wood from her arms into the wood basket by the door. It's firewood for the fireplace in the living room, and Ella loves to light fires, so it's often that she has to get more wood almost everyday now.
I help myself to some pancakes that lay stacked one on top of the other on a green plate on the marble kitchen counters. I sit at the table and dig in, my fork freezing mid air when I see Ryan walk into the house. He smiles at me and I suddenly curse myself for looking the way I do this morning.
"Hey," Ryan grins, unloading more wood into the basket.
"Oh, God," I mutter, bringing a hand to my face. I put on a happier tone. "Hey, Ryan!"
"Isn't it great?" Ella smiles, resting her hand on the back of my chair. "Ryan offered to bring in some wood and since your dad was busy....well...being your dad, Ryan offered to help"
"Yeah, so great," I laugh nervously, running a hand through my messy hair.
God, I wish I had put on a bit of makeup before coming downstairs at least.
