Inner thoughts
Part 1
16
The nic makes my tongue numb
I want to cut myself
I'm too much of a bitch to actually end it
I'm too much of a bitch to live
I don't know what to do
I'm feel lost
No words
Tears fall
Praying doesn't help
Is there a god
Help
But I am silent
I mask it
Depression
Overwhelming sadness
No will to live
No purpose
No motivation
Living on auto-pilot
Waking up, eating, school, eating, homework,eating
I want help
But I am silent
I want to screen but they will here
I want to cry but I'll be more of a bitch
I want to feel something
Weed makes me sleepy
Vape makes my tongue numb
Wax pen doesn't work
Henne makes me dizzy
The fact that I am still breathing makes me mad
My asthma makes me breathe hard
I want to go to sleep and not wake up
I lay at night overthinking
About why I should live
I go to sleep
But then I wake up
The cycle continues
My head hurts from my hangover
I have no friends to talk to
I want help
My family doesn't get me
I feel like everyone always talks over me
I want to talk but no one ever listens
I am silent
I talk talking in general
I sit in the back
Hoodie on listening to music
The only thing keeping me from breaking down
My anxiety shoots up
I am socially awkward
Being bi doesn't help
No one knows
I don't know if I want them to know
I want a partner
Someone to get close to
I don't know if I should put myself out there
I stay silent
Sometimes I just lay on the bathroom floor and think
I'm writing this right now in my bathroom
I want to cry
My eye are heavy and it's hard to swallow
I take a deep breath
I try to find the most painless way to kill myself
The comments say that I'm not the only one
I say bullshit
Do they really know how I feel
I put the scissors to my arm
I'm a bitch so I don't slice
I feel like the first time I watched love Simon
I'm 12 watching at my grandmas house.
Under the table for some reason pirating it on my phone
The end
When they kiss on the Ferris wheel I cry
I want that
I long for that
But my family won't except me
I'm not social enough to date someone
I'm confused
I don't know who I am
Bullied for being gay since 13
I cut myself off in high school.
Or at least I try too
I find a cool group of "friends" that make me feel good
Is this what it means to be happy
We hang out
I feel good
We argue
I get mad
I can't do this anymore
I don't want to live
I get the knife out
Hold it to my wrist
I'm a bitch so I can't do it
I cry
I'm a pussy bitch
People at school call me a bitch
My mom says I act like a bitch
I think she know I'm gay
I should kill myself
I'm her only child
Maybe she'll have more money if I die
I'm a bit of a material girl
I smiled at that
I feel better ranting to myself
It starts to feel heavy again
I reflect on all the stuff I have done in life
It's dumb
I'm better gone
I start crying a gain
Deep breath
No one to talk too
I've been like this since 13
Pretend to be sociable at school and feel drained when I get home
