Let It Rain | Otara | Book3 | wlw

Chapter 7 "wanting to be a mother"

"Why are you acting weird, and why are you so close to me, Tara?" Jaime forwaves brows with a sound of annoyance.

"Just make sure you're okay. I won't be tired looking at you this close," she whispers.

"Your like a kid on my lap looking at me," Jaime brushes her hair down.

"No, I'm not," Tara replied, slowly caressing her arm.

"What are you thinking? Tell me," Tara said, looking up, tracing Jaime's jawline with her forefinger.

"If this succeeds, I'll be looking like a mini version of you." Jaime continues to brush her hair with fingers.

"Well, we will see how it goes," Tara simply said.

"Ugh, I just can't imagine Tara," she said in frustration.

"It'll be fine. Stop worrying. I'm the first Ferguson among my cousins to have a baby if this will succeed on the first attempt," she grinned.

"Am I under pressure now?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

"No, because I'll make it a secret to them," Tara grinned.

"We will reveal the baby a few months after the birth. Fergusons always have a party, so yes, babe, no pressure." Tara smiles at her while she is in the opposite mood.

* * *

"Tara, here's your tea with honey as you requested," she placed on the mini table.

"Thank you for covering me up at the doctor's clinic the other day," she added.

"I need to do that; aside from that, I do understand seeing you uncomfortable witnessing that moment; I felt guilt," she leans forward.

"To be honest, I do for that moment with those nerves... I had; it escalates; no idea why..." Jamie describes.

"Hey...listen, it's normal. Remember, you helped me to become this person before I couldn't feel any, but because of you... I just felt my spirit go back to my body before it's like I'm a walking zombie," Tara said, hugging her.

"I get that part, but being exposed and open—that's not my vibe at all."

"But I got you covered?"

"Yes, you do, but..." she replied.

"Felt embarrassed or something?" Tara asked.

"yes..."

"You should tell and be clear on something to me, Jaime, so we could do other things."

"I don't want to put the pressure on you; I just would rather be in me." Jaime held her face in both of her hands.

"I wanted to be a mother," she whispered, kissing Tara.

"I wish this would be done or the procedure better than embarrassing ourselves by making out on clinics," Tara smiled.

"You're not making out in there," Jaime said, catching her eyes.

"To me, it looks like..." she replied.

"Shh...your only comforting me as much as possible, trying different methods and seeing what it works for this time for us," Jaime explained.

"can I ask a personal question?" Tara shifts her mood.

"Hit me, but gentler," Jaime giggled.

"Uh?... it made me embarrassed," she said, looking away.

"Hey, it's okay, it's just me." Jaime tries to be reassuring.

"Uh, every time we—... uh...you know..."

"Yes, every time we make love...? it's okay. You can express yourself with me, Tara; it's me, remember?"

"uh..."

"Come closer; I'll whisper to you," Tara said.

"Uhuh... nope, I don't feel that way like I did at the clinic; it's just the place came weird, I tell you," Jaime said, shaking her head.

"Okay, I totally get that."

"I hope I don't make you feel that way" she added.

"Shh... you don't, not at all, Tara. I see a woman the love of my life every time we do that as a married couple."

"Thanks, Jaime..." leaning her head to her shoulders, rubbing her arms, being affectionate, she knows this woman can melt her.

"So anyways, let's discuss some other topics, shall we?" Jaime gave a deep kiss.

"How about, how's your session with your therapist?" Jaime added, hugging her and looking waiting.

"Uh that...it's all good. The therapist says I am improving, even though it's hard for the recent sessions," she explains.

"Becoming human is hard; you need to deal with your emotions, those traumas, and the other person's emotions. You can't just shove it off or even shut it down, Jaime," she added.

"I'm so sorry, Jaime, if you dealt this with me, but that's how I grew up—no emotions. I suppressed it deeply." Tara started being avoidant.

"Come here, I'll hug you till you feel something. We can do this together." Jaime offered sympathy.

"I still remember how you react when you press those lips on my neck," Jaime recalls.

"It's embarrassing, you know. I kept asking how you feel... and you help me address that it's time to do that favor in return," Tara said.

"And I gave you a trigger warning signal for us if I am hurting you or not, "Jaime reminds her.

"That's how they raised me. I grew up in a family that is very cold and lonely. I struggled to determine when to be sad, when to cry, or even a simple smile, but when I'm with you, Jaime, I feel the opposite, and I mean that... when I'm around you, I'm not triggered. I'm calm and happy, excited about life," Tara said, dearly looking into her eyes.

"Now you sound so freaking sexy, so stop!" Jaime giggles.

"Am I?" Tara smiled and didn't take her eyes off her.

"yes... "

"Let's continue this later in bed, Jaime. I need to go to the gym."

"And I'll be at the library working; I need to start working from home. Blame that doctor for making me a house arrest," Jaime said in frustration.

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