DECODE ~ GHOST

19| Alex

Wind whisked past me as I sat looking out the drop window, my hair splintered in front of my face as it got strewn across me. I could hear the deafening hum of the Chinook's dual blades as they overlapped and made the distinct sound that everyone knew. My mind wandered as my eyes danced across the barren wasteland of Pripyat, I wondered if Simon had ever been here, if he'd witnesses the beauty of the barren landscape and thought it was breathtaking.

The scar on my arm itched as I thought of how I'd hurt myself after hurting him, how I displaced my anger onto myself at the mere idea I could very possibly die out here, and he wouldn't even know how much I loved him. How I could breathe my last breath knowing I loved Simon, but him not knowing it.

Fragments of our last conversation seared across my mind, how upset he was when he'd shouted at me, how he acted as though it was the worst possible thing in the world to shout at me. I wondered if the stories I'd heard about him were true, as though what people had whispered around campfires was real. And if it was, well, I'd fucked up.

My eyes met Price's from across the chopper, and neither of us had brought up what happened last night, because it was our little secret. And, also, we had a mission to do, and that took primacy over whatever we wanted to discuss about last night.

I saw it then, the Pripyat Hospital 126, the elongated infamous building stuck out like a sore thumb in the otherwise barren landscape. It was the place where hundreds of people had fled after the initial incident, their bodies only starting to succumb to the radiation that would eventually kill them, and I remembered reading about it, obviously not when it happened, I wasn't old enough for that, but I could remember my father talking about it. One day, I'll take you there, Spencer, He'd told me, making a promise to me.

What he didn't know, at the time, was that I'd be heading there without him, only his pendant of St. Michael around my neck to even link me to my father. I knew that this would be the only thing Simon would have of me one day, too. We didn't have any photos together, and knowing that hurt a little bit. Because, if I were to die, all he would be able to look at would be pictures of me, and him wishing he was there with it.

A light peppering of snow danced from the sky as we approached the drop point, and I felt my eyes grow heavy at the feeling of dread that overcame me. I'd been on missions nearly instantly after Philip's first funeral, and I'd been fine. But now? Knowing I'd practically pushed everyone away and being deployed? I couldn't take it anymore. It was too much, and I knew my time in the Army was drawing to a natural close. My chapters were soon to be ending, but I had to end it on a positive note, right?

"Dropping in ten seconds!" John's voice was loud in my ears, authoritative as he commanded me. I stood up.

Ten...

My hands secured the parachute backpack around my body, I knew it was working fine because I'd tested it, and that's what backups were for. And, if that didn't work, well then I'd just have to improvise and hope for the best.

Nine...

John Price withdrew a flare from his pocket, the beam of light it emitted being invisible to the naked eye. He threw it down into the woods below, and his eyes met mine.

Eight...

I thought of Simon, how I wondered what he'd be doing whilst I was out here away from him. The thought of him in my empty house, flicking through the photo-albums of me and my family before everything brought a lump to my throat.

Seven...

His words replayed in my head as I approached John, I love you. How he'd trusted me with his vulnerability, how out of everyone in this big bad world, he'd chosen to be vulnerable with me.