Back To You

Chapter Six

I sit on the end of my bed, phone in hand as my thumb hovers over the call button next to Harry's name. As much as i try and tell myself that i don't have feelings for Harry i know that they are there which is why I'm finding it so hard to call him right now. Im scared that he's going to tell me something i really don't want to here and I'm not ready for things to end just yet even though they haven't even started. Unfortunately casey has already left for uni, I really could have used her this morning— i know she would have made me do it by now instead of me just sitting here torturing myself. 

As much to my disapproval my thumb hit the green phone and i raised my  phone to my ear. After a few rings i hear the familiar husky voice on the other end. I consider hanging up but words fall out of my mouth...

"Whats the deal with you and Jesse?" 

"What?" He says, stunned by the edge to my voice.

"I know that you are keeping something from me Harry. I need the truth." I hear him sigh and i imagine the furrow on his face as he runs his hand through his curls. 

"Okay, He was seeing my sister."

"What?" 

"He was with my sister Madeline, when he...was with you." It felt like i had been punched hard in  my stomach. I really shouldn't be surprised that Jesse was cheating on me as well as everything else that happened.  It finally all made sense...

"Thats why you were so rude to me the night we met." 

"Yes. I knew who you were before we met- well i knew of you. i didn't expect you to be like you are— its hard for me to explain. I just thought that you would be like him, an absolute dickhead. Then i was mad that you weren't like him, you didn't deserve the way he was treating you. i was angry at the whole situation." I started to cry but i tried to swallow my tears so that Harry couldn't hear it in my voice.

"Then why have you been nice to me? what changed? Did you just feel sorry for me?" 

"I already said, i got to know you, i realised you weren't a loser like him and i guess I..."

"You what?" I push.

"I guess I like you Maddi!," He blurts out leaving me speechless.

"I realised I liked you. A lot." He adds, his voice is soft, almost a whisper. He sighs when I don't respond, i tried to but the lump in my throat stopped me. 

"Don't cry Maddi. Can you come open the door?" He asks as a knock sounds from the door. I get up from the bed and i wipe my eyes before opening it revealing a saddened Harry, still holding his phone to his ear. I hang up my phone and he does the same before i let him into my dorm. We sit on my bed for while before either of us say anything, I'm the first to break the silence. 

"Im not really surprised by it, He did a lot worse to me."

"Like what?...You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."  He adds as he notices my hesitation to speak.

"Its just he was very...protective and he got jealous a lot. He used to get violent...especially when he was high on alcohol and drugs." Harry shakes his head as i explain the dysfunctional relationship Jesse and I had. 

"I'm sorry Maddi." Harry puts his hand on my knee. It is a comforting gesture but my heart beats a little faster at his touch. 

"Harry I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. Us, i mean." Harry looks down at his hand on my knee before he moves it away. I flinch, at first, at the loss of his touch.

I want Harry but i can't. He has way to many ties with Jesse, i want jesse out of my life forever but i don't know if i can if i start something with Harry. 

Harry's gaze if fixated on the ground and I'm at a loss for words. I didn't expect him to not say anything. Really, i wanted him to tell me how much he wanted me and to convince me how much i should be with him but i'm getting the complete opposite. 

"I should probably go, i've got stuff to do." Harry stands from my bed and walks over to the door. 

"Harry wait-"

"I'll see you later." He cuts me off before storming out of my dorm. 

"bye" I say to the closed door. 

The door opens again and I'm disappointed to find Casey instead of Harry. 

"Um, whats up Harry? He was just storming off down the hall."

I tell her everything about Harry's sister and Jesse, how Harry said he liked me and how i completely recked everything by not telling him how i feel.

"Why don't you just call him and tell him how you really feel." 

"I can't! every time i think of having a relationship with him i picture Jesse, Harry's sister, Harry and myself sitting around the table at Christmas singing carols!.' 

"You can't let Jesse take over your life like this Madz, you need to move on and Harry is great. Its not like Harry's sister and Jesse are in a relationship!"

"Its weird though! what happens when i have to finally meet his family and he introduces me to his sister? what am i supposed to say? 'Hi, I'm Maddi, you fucked my boyfriend!"? 

"Okay i get your point, but I think you are over thinking it. Don't think about the future just think about whats happening now, you and harry like each other so you might as well see where its going to go. The only way you are going to get over Jesse is if you learn to love again. Be with someone who is going to make you feel the way you should." Something flicked inside of me, like a flame being ignited, Casey is right, i should just live in the moment and see where it goes.

"I'm going to call him." The phone rings a few times before it goes to voice mail. 

"He doesn't want to speak to me." I say chucking my phone on the bed.

"He's probably just embarrassed, go over to his dorm and see him." 

"You're right." I throw on a jacket and slip on my toms before i head out in the direction on Harry and Liam's dorm. 'Please be home' i think to myself.

I knock on the door but there is no answer. I hear voices coming from behind the door so i knock again although i wish i hadn't. Harry is the one to open the door but my heart aches at what- or who i find with him.