Normally, if you were coming back you would have by now. And you have not. And maybe this is us breaking that cycle. Because you probably have a new girlfriend, and me... well I have a boyfriend now. I didn't forget about you... I even told him about you. I tell him about things we did times we spent together and how much I genuinely still love and care for you because of everything we had been through. All that you saved me from. I told him about the nights I can't stop thinking about you, the times where I dream about you, all of that. And he understands. He even said he wished... that in some way or somehow I could get you either back in my life or get the closure needed to just close the chapter. He doesn't know how to help me other than support me through it and support my decisions because, as he says, I know what's right and wrong. I know what I should do and when to let go. And he's not gonna tell me no I can't because you played a huge part in my life. He saw the disappointment when you decided to not make that appearance in my life again, he supported me and stayed up with me the nights I cried about missing you even from the friend aspect and he told me it's normal... he got me comfortable enough that I openly cry now and we are working on voicing when I am not okay. He's normalized it and we are working on... trying to get myself to let you go since it's been a year now and I can't keep dwelling. I even told him that I didn't want to write this but I know I have to. I don't think I am ready to let you go though. I know all comes in due time and that's okay. Maybe there's a reason I can't let you go and maybe there's still some deeper healing I need do... I don't know I am not sure which it is. But I know I miss you. And I wish you did come back when you thought about it, but I also know you have to do what's best for yourself and I will always support that. Another thing he and I talked about is he stated he knows you hold a very important place in my heart and in my life and he will never top that. He would never want to step on that or try to be better than that because there is no topping it. He said he gets why I don't want to let go....
Anyways.... I feel like this is where I should stop and honestly my brain can't come up with words for everything else I want to explain....
Love always,
Jessica
YOU ARE READING
Love always, Jessica
Non-FictionThis is all I didn't say but wrote down in my journal/notebook. I wish I could have said this to you, Miguel, but I was too scared. I was scared you'd leave, and well... I lost you somehow anyways... I love you.
