ALWAYS [제이크]

26 : that voice

Heeseo was sitting at the edge of the rooftop with a strawberry milk in her hand. She took a sip of her drink while admiring the blue sky over her.

Students laughter from the school garden were loud enough for her to feel envy on them. She missed all the old time of her with Eunyoung. If times could be return back.

The time when they had lunch together under the tree, 

The time when they always shared a drink,

And the time when they chit chat together.

"Heeseo."

''Look down here."

''This is the best place."

Somehow, she heard a whisper voice from down there. She noticed that only herself on the rooftop. It's not her first time she heard those voice. She once heard it during prepared for a dinner when she was cutting the veggies.

Heeseo looked at her legs that was hanging on the air  and swinging it as she did not feel afraid at all. "Its not that high actually. This three-story building is not that tall."

"What are you planning to do? Don't ever thought about jump off from here." a male voice from behind and slowly approached her.

Heeseo was jolted up by Jake presence causing her to slip off her drink from her hand. "M-My uyuuuu."

Jake felt guilty for his sudden appearance that made her startled. "I have a new one but it's a banana milk."

He poked the banana milk and handed it to her.

"Why do you come here? Have you eaten?" He asked to break the silent as he waited her to finish her milk.

"I'm looking for you around the school and Yedam said you went to the rooftop."

She took a glanced on him who was following her to hang his legs , "Just want to clear my mind. Things were tangled up inside." 

Jake nodded and they continue to admire the view. Silent were engulfing them, her presence on his side was enough to him.

"Jake, I have thought about your confession. I-I-I'm not ready yet. I'm sorry." She suttered and worried if Jake would mad on her. 

"That's okay. We can't push other to have the same feelings as us. But we can still be friends right?"

"Of course. I don't have any companion other than you. How can I will lost another friend of mine?"

Jake was nearly to cry. He felt hurt that she can't response to his confession but will stay as a friend. She was his first love, the first girl he showered with love other than his mother, the first one who had his lips collide on hers. 

"I'm sorry, Heeseo." he said while trying his best to not let tears escape from his eyes.

"Why you need to be sorry."

"For falling in love with you."

"No. I should be the one to apologize, not you. It's a human natural feeling. There is no wrong on it."

He nodded and looked up to the sky to prevent tears fell from his eyes.

" I'm breaking your heart and you must be hurtful isn't? Just cry, I don't mind." she hugged him but the hug give more pain to him. He should not confessed his feelings. Look how pitiful he felt now. 

There was one side where he felt greatful that she still want to befriend with him but there's another regret on him for talking about his feelings.

"I would never lose you, Jake. Just keep loving me, fall for me. One day if I am ready, I'll replied to you. Thanks for everything you've done. It's not that easy to let out your feelings."

"I love you, as a friend for now."

-

Heeseung sneakily went to his sister room and rummaged around her bedroom. He found her savings in her drawer which is quite a lot.

"Sorry, Heeseo. I had to. There's no other choice. Mom lied that she said she will help me with the financial but she only used the money for her own sake." He took it without leaving a cent and quickly came out from her room.

Heeseo threw her bag on the bed and sit down in front of her dressing table. 

''Tadaa. I managed to hide some money from her. It was so hard to get you , money.'' she looked for her other savings in her drawer.

"Where did all my money go? I put it here, last time." she continued rummagging her drawer.

"Don't say that someone sneaked in my room?!" 

"My money...." she was fall on her knees and cried wholeheartedly. All her efforts to pursue her dream fall apart. 

"Why did I have to live in this family? Why did I get such a miserable family? I want a justice." she cried out loud. Currently, only her in the house since his brother still had a class to attend and her mother went outstation for a week along with her sister.

Tears could not stop falling from her eyes as her eyes become swollen after crying for hours. 

"Heeseo."

"Follow me."

"And I will bring you to the place that you always desire for."

Her footstep led her to a familliar place and she looked down for a second.

She closed her eyes and felt the cold breeze hitting her face. It was silent, no people, no blaming, no pressure. Heeseo thought for a while,

"Is this how I end my life? Is this the freedom I always willing for? Will the pain go away? "

"HEESEO!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO.'' a male voice stop her from doing so.

She looked down and saw nothing in front of her. Only found herself  at the edge of building.

Her body jolted up, her breathe hitched, and her eyes wide open. She looked around and found herself  still in her bedroom.

"What was that?"

"Am I hallucinating?"

Heeseo sat on her bed and turned on the light. She hugged her knees and began to cry.

''Heeseo,''

''Heeseo,'' that voice again, the same as in her dream.

"I'm not Heeseo." she looked around her room and found nothing. It only herself inside the room.

''Heeseo,''

''I told you I'm not Heeseo. Why did you come to me?" 

"I know you're Heeseo. Lee Heeseo."

"I'm not! I'm not!" she screamed and hitting her ears, hopping that voice will go away.

She cried harder as the voice would not fade away. It was scaring her as she did not have anyone around her.

"Please, please, go away."