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Liar, Liar-Present

I became really good at lying to myself. Ignoring red flags and sticking my head in the sand. Playing blind had become my favorite coping mechanism.

A part of me always knew the truth though.

I always knew that when it came down to it, in the end it wouldn't end with him and I. Not because we lacked the chemistry. No, it was for a simple reason, he never viewed me as a serious contender. He never came out and said it, but I was aware and at the time my self-esteem was too low to realize I deserved so much more. I continuously poured more of myself into him, and he took and took and took. Until finally he was full, and I was empty.

It was at that point he did me the favor of calling it off. Thanking me for all I had done for him and spewing how he needed to work on himself before he could date.

Which looking back, I find funny because I fixed everything broken in him. I smoothed out his rough edges, filled his empty holes. I mean I even watched his damn dog, all for a man who couldn't give me the decency of the girlfriend title. I bowed out gracefully, not causing any extra drama or unwanted issues. Licking my wounds where no one could witness it.

I was healing, or so I thought. Only to log on to Facebook not even a month later to see he was in a relationship. Facebook official, way more than I ever got. Waxing poetic about how his life has gotten so much better since she has come into it, and he has become a better man.

I wonder if he let her know that I primed him for their great love affair. That I was taken for granted so she could be placed on a pedestal. I also wonder if she and all 168 people who liked the status knows that a lying cheating bastard hides behind that smile.

So, instead of letting the whole interweb know about his mommy issues, I for the first time since he came in my life do something for my own mental peace. I block him on all social media, delete his number and text thread and send an SOS into the group chat.

I decided to stop rewarding his bad behavior with responses, and honestly it feels damn good! We've been doing this song and dance for years now and I'm so tired of being tired. I'm choosing myself this time, finally.