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Eggs & Darts

It had been a month since Nero's birthday and it had become common knowledge that I didn't want to hear anything about him. He tried causing a stink about me charging the birthday party to his credit card. Rain absolutely shut that shit down, she told her uncle his dad exactly what happened, and he got his son under control. According to him, he forfeited the right to not funding his own birthday when he shit all over my feelings. God, I love the Older Night men.

After a month of no contact, I found myself in my dance studio, continuing to try to get rid of the constant ache I feel from my brief role as being his girl. For a month in between the classes I instruct, I have pushed my body to the limit. Hoping against all hope, that the next twist will be the one that pushes me to forget. Or that the upcoming leap will be the one to fill the void this whole experience has left behind. When the music ends, and I take stock in the woman breathing heavily and dripping in sweat. All the emotions that poured through the moves my body is trained to do hit me like a mac truck.

I am still Leana, the one who wasn't enough. The one who continued to give me all and for some reason that wasn't quite enough. I fall back into my internal pity party when the music stops and it's just me and the wall to wall mirrors. The smile and flippant remarks that make up the lie that has become my shield slip away, I refuse to lie to myself. I refuse to not acknowledge what I let a man turn me into. That at the moment my version of living is a beating heart and putting one foot in front of the other.

So, I'll push myself, and I'll keep taking the pain. I'll keep doing this with the hope that one day I will feel something other then this. I'm not going to lie and say it's going to be sunshine and roses. Something fundamentally has changed in who I am. I can't allow myself to be as open and vulnerable as I was previously. The thought of it causes my body to break out into a cold sweat and my lungs to constrict.

"Leana." Jerking out of my third attempt of the choreography I was fine tuning, I turn to see is Rain. She stands there her tiny frame drowning under a down jacket, I can tell her beanie was stolen from Brandon. She really is an adorable little thing, which is hilarious because the girl isn't so adorable when she's wreaking havoc on the world out of boredom. Before I respond, I quickly slip my mask on.

"Hey Rain, what's up?"

"Don't do that shit." She snaps out.

"Huh?" I try to play dumb, while she proves why she's my best friend. Rain doesn't like bullshit, she wants honesty always.

"You know damn well what I am talking about. This is me you are talking to. I know my idiot cousin did a number on you, and I stand by my offer to egg his car and house. Shit I will egg his ass at this point. I've let you handle it how you see fit. What I won't let you do is let his actions effect our friendship and how open we are with each other. You and me girl, we stay constant and steady."

Holding eye contact with her, I slowly let the wall fall down. When she finally see's all that is going on internally with me she swears. Walking to me while pulling out her phone she reaches up as far as her tiny frame can, pulling me into a hug.

With her phone to her ear, I hear her calling in our continued forced backup.

"Brandon, babe I need you to do something for me. I need you to pick up a shit ton of eggs, toilet paper, a fifth of whiskey and some darts. Meet me at Leana's studio."

Pulling back I ask, "Darts?"

"To throw at the pictures of Nero I printed out on posters."

"God, I love you."

"Bad bitches have bad days too."