FBI agent

Remorseful

Betty that was her name she was going to torture me today's weather was remorse for an hour as soon as I started crying after she strangled me and I coughed up I'm sorry Mary for the last time in my life she was satisfied that she done what she had to do but she wasn't too satisfied if you know what I mean she was going to get justice for Mary one way or another and I was gonna be hard but I was very remorseful I was going into counselling and trying to talk about what I was going through at the time and stuff it was very horrible experience thinking that I was having to go through therapy.
No he's even horrible to hold onto the thoughts even though I was talking to them the thoughts of wishing I haven't done what I done and stuff like that trying to do my own business kinda move on but Mary's beauty was too hard to go about and soon enough I was Mourning her as well as being remorseful I was starting to feel like life wasn't worth living without freedom and Mary. Was Mary ever going to come back to life or be with me again no but her spirit was worth mean on the last I was still in love with her. But that wasn't enough to hear when I went to a funeral in shackles.
They said that Mary was still alive and a hearts and spirits that was the celebration of life there was and I took that to hard and tried to say well she's still alive in my heart people thought that I was just another way of saying you're on remorseful but I said I do feel remorse for what I've done. Something that I wish I never did in the first place or thought of a planned.
In the environment that I was in if I wanted safety from Betty I had to find a sub culture or something that was gonna save me from being murdered so I ended up joining the juggalette the juggalette to were a female Insane Clown Posse gang that were very interested in having me in. They said family is family and that they want to protect me but they didn't do very much about that. But they did their best to protect me and I did my best to protect them from whatever but our opponents. And there was a lot of us female and sand clown posse gang that were in the prison saw of us were just in there because of certain circumstances or were framed or otherwise were criminal sometimes. Every sub culture had Cityside and I was gonna see decide from there. And I wanted it in in the group but they said well you were FBI so we don't really trust you but you came as family so I wanna treat you like family. I told him that I was very remorseful for killing my beautiful girl my Mary who is going to be my wife. When I told them that I had beaten her and poisoned her with strychnine at the same time they were revolted and had me kicked out I was on my own and I had no subculture to save me from this horrible fate that's gonna be worse than death soon enough I was getting the delusions back that she was still alive the only thing reminding me that she was dead was that I was in prison wearing an orange jumpsuit that was the only thing that was saying your girlfriends dead.
There was a good night when I didn't cry myself to sleep or try to help myself wake up in the morning I had to take coffee I was the first prisoner to take coffee because I couldn't face a day I had to have something to face my day. The other prisoners the female prisoners were getting pissed off that I was given coffee as a treatment for my depression and it was very annoying to be given hate names and hate letters sometimes it in blood. But that is present life for you it was getting grotesque you want from there they were calling me queen of gore queen of strychnine and then I said AJR girl you're gonna die soon and other horrible things to me and I was trying to express my remorse through art and writing I was writing a book about my life with Mary and trying to help myself but they were sabotaging every bit of it. What is this going to cost me my life yes but it I didn't know it at the end..
I remember writing an email to my publisher and the computer conked out and one lady was holding the plug and saying hope it wasn't important that's when I lost my shit and bash your head in the floor and the next thing you know she was dead. I was gonna be facing another murder charge. And I said well she was fucking around with a computer awards should've been supervised and I want to go on that shit. Thank you so it was a simple thing is that they do pissed me off to the point where I would go off on them and go insane. Did I want to plead insanity for bashing that other woman's head and no but I just wanted to say she was a fucking &*($ bitch.   Yes I ended up saying this CNX Tuesday word.
If I can't even write a book or even correspond with my publisher about my book without getting into a fight I thought this was the end for sure.
Little did I know that piano is going to come in pretty soon it was going to come fast and violently and mostly gruesome. Then I know that I was gonna get hurt so bad that I was going to be declared brain dead that the damage to my head was Marie that grave and horrific.
But for now I had horrible rants about having my arms twisted my tongue ripped out and other disgusting things. Little did I know that these were more or less not threats but having prophecies via other peoples filthy mouths.