Broken Souls (Book 1 of Seasons of the Cycle)

Chapter 45 - Lura Syllana

I can't hold back the tears as they stream down my face. He... He didn't leave me by choice. He was forced. He... He was sent north and... It's all my fault. He got caught because he was with me. I get to the dorm and collapse on my bed and cry. Light, please protect him. Bring him back to me. I was all wrong, and I thought things about him... I wanted him dead and I might just get what I wished for.

"Is everything okay?" I look up to see Chalia walk in and shut the door behind her.

"Please, I wish to be alone right now," I say, burying my head back into my pillow.

"I can't allow that. You are hurting, and I won't let you hurt alone. Please, tell me what is wrong," she says as she sits down at the end of my bed.

"I can't," I say into my pillow.

"I think I already know. You worked at a brothel before you came here, didn't you?" she asks as my heart stops in my chest. I pull myself up from my bed and try to wipe away the tears. They won't stop. "You were with him. You loved him. I'm assuming he loved you back. Didn't he?"

I look into her eyes and see no malice. Just concern. "Please, don't tell anyone. If people knew what I did before this, they would judge me poorly for it."

"Relax, I will not tell anyone. I promise. Just talk to me. Tell me what happened," she says.

I sniff the snot leaking down my nose and wipe away the river of tears, tearing my gaze from Chalia. "After my entire family was sold into slavery and I was forced to run away, I snuck into Low Town and met a woman named Madame Faralene who saved me from some unsavory characters. She took me in and gave me a job serving tables and a place to sleep. I was desperate for money to buy my family's freedom, and one thing led to another. I took customers for some less dignified work than serving drinks."

I take in a deep breath and let it out slowly to calm myself as the memories try to fight their way to the surface. "Orym was my first customer. He was kind and gentle. He treated me with respect and compassion. I couldn't help it. I fell in love with him, and I believe he felt the same way about me. The first night together, we spent much of it talking. Eventually, I felt so comfortable with him that I gave him my virginity. And then he vanished. He never showed up after that. It was like he never existed. I thought it was all some big lie. I believed he never cared for me at all and all I was to him was some twisted conquest."

The tears won't stop, no matter how many times I try to wipe them away. I look back up at her to see a wide-eyed, gaping expression. "You... You poor girl. That's so sad. Come here."

She pulls me into her chest and holds me as I sob. I completely give up on trying to hold myself together. "At least now you know the truth. He didn't leave you by choice, but he was forced to leave. That means he still loves you."

I pull myself away from her to look into her eyes. "But it is my fault he was sent to the north. What if he dies because of me? I could not bear that."

She shakes her head. "None of this is your fault. He chose to go to the brothel, and he spend his time with you. Not only that, but I believe this entire concept of not being able to form attachments and relationships is completely absurd. The heart wants what it wants. Who are we, or the church for that matter, to tell it otherwise? You loved him, and he loved you. What is more divine than that?"

"You really think so?" I ask.

She nods. "Of course, I do."

"Thank you, you're a really good person and a great friend." I lay my head down on her lap and she softly combs her fingers through my hair.

"I only do and say what I think is right," she says.

I take in a deep breath and let it out. After talking to her, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. The truth of what happened to Orym brings some relief, but it also brings more burdens. I will continue to pray for him and his safe return. May the Light protect him and keep him safe.