Afterglow ❃ l.m.j

• chapter twenty five •

A deep breath ricocheted through my lungs as I opened the door to the club that night. Things were still dead and no one was at the bar. It'd honestly be a ghost town if it wasn't for the security guard or two and lights from the back room flooding the hallway. I grimaced, unzipping my jacket. What better way to be cornered?

I shook the thought from my head. No. I can't be pessimistic. Things aren't going to be smooth if I'm on edge too. I stopped in my place and took a deep breath. In for five seconds, hold for seven, release for seven. I did that a few times until my head felt a little clearer.

I'm sure I looked weird just deep breathing in the middle of the hallway. But I knew if I didn't, I'd be losing my mind.

I shook the nerves from my body before stepping forward. I was so lasered into finding a threat that I could hear my footsteps on the floor. When I walked into the stripper's quarters, only a few heads turned my way. Cherry was one of them. I swear to god, she's like a fucking parasite. I rolled my eyes and dropped my bag in front of my locker. I was getting deja vu from high school all over again and it wasn't a good feeling. I opened the door. All seemed to be well as I placed all my things away and closed it. It wasn't until I stepped back out into the hallway that I heard a pair of footsteps following me. A haunting feeling crossed my back. I felt the urge to hunch my shoulders at the sound of an oncoming threat.

The footsteps became louder and closer until they stopped in front of me. She shoved an accusatory finger into my line of sight.

"I know that you know."

I looked at Cherry with a blank expression, almost bored. "Know about what?"

Her voice broke down to a whisper. "About the video. About the car!"

"Oh." My voice got louder just to spite her. "You mean my car that you vandalized and wrote slurs all over? Yeah. I know about that."

Fire seemed to cross her eyes. Her nostrils flared. "I wouldn't have to do that if you were just honest with everyone here about what you were."

I cocked my head. "You didn't have to do anything." I stepped forward, sizing the woman up. "And I don't owe you honesty. There's nothing about my body that I need your permission for."

She looked at me in disgust, leaning back onto her heel. "You're wrong. About all of it. I don't understand people like you and my brother. I don't care if you want to be whatever you are but you don't have to lie about it. We've been changing in the same room with you for months and who knows—"

"Don't go there." My voice was raspy and cold. I stepped forward, placing myself chest to chest with her. "I don't bother you, so quit fucking with me. I don't know what kind of shit you have going on with your sibling, but I'm not them and I never will be. I'm a woman. I always have been. I never lied to you, or anyone. And at the end of the day, you'll never have a chance to get in my pants to truly find out. So I suggest this stops now. Because anything further than this, and I will make your life hell. And you don't want to go there with me."

Our stare down was bone chilling. Blood rushed through my arms as my fists stayed at my sides. I could see the gears in her head turning. Her face remained in disgust but this time, she squinted. My lips were drawn into a line as I looked down on her. I patiently waited for a rebuttal. After a few moments of looking into my eyes, I seen hers well up with tears. She pushed past my shoulders and stomped away towards the bathroom.

When she was out of earshot, I took a deep breath, shutting my eyes. God, that was unnecessarily tense.

I looked behind me to see the bathroom door swing closed. A small flex of guilt stabbed at me but I did my best to ignore it. I had nothing to feel bad for. I was simply advocating for myself. Nothing different than what I've been doing for damn near twenty six years.

I marched back into the quarters to grab my clothes for tonight while she was gone, taking them into Ally's office. I didn't even manage a hello, just dropped my clothes into the nearby seat and closed the door.

"It wouldn't be weird if I changed in here, right?" I was already midway through peeling off my jacket.

Allyson scribbled something into one of the files she had open in front of her. Her glasses were perched on her face.

"Wouldn't be the weirdest thing that's happened in here. Everything alright?"

I gave her a so-so expression. "I saw Cherry."

"Hmm. And?"

I took my shirt off, standing in her office in my bra. "We exchanged some words."

Ally hummed again. "Did you threaten her?"

"I didn't not threaten her."

She left me be until I was easing into my outfit for tonight. I pulled my hair into a ponytail. I could feel her eyes on the side of my face.

"I needed to get it off my chest, Ally. Please don't mother me about this." I mumbled, pulling on my boots. I was too accustomed to her expressions to not know what they meant.

"Okay. Okay, I won't. You're right, you deserve at least that. I'm honestly a little uncomfortable about all this, and unsure how to handle it. I'm sorry if I'm not doing a great job at handling it."

I turned to her. "I don't want her to lose her job. We all have lives outside of this and I'm sure half of us aren't here by choice. She may be a bitch but I won't take that away from her." I turned back towards the mirror, making sure my latex mini dress fit well over my fishnets and complimented the matching pleasers.

"I'd be more upset if you were dropping the ball on purpose. But I don't expect anyone to know how to handle this. This is normal to me. New to you." I continued with a shrug. I grabbed my clothes, refusing to say anything further on it. "Thanks for letting me change here."

I walked out of the room with my clothes bundled under my arm. After I put them away, I went onto the floor. Even though people were just beginning to enter, I still took the liberty of walking around and scoping out the place. I hadn't actually taken a walk around Heaven's Door in a while.

I looked over at the pole in the distance. I'd been so caught up in everything going on in my personal life that I didn't dance as often. Most days at my shifts I just opted for private rooms instead. But this Saturday, I was headlining Sacrificial again which I haven't done in a while. I was both nervous and excited to reclaim my spot. I still had a routine to work through. I made a mental note to spend the next few days at home working on it.

I walked around the upper level in thought. I can't believe she really compared me to her sibling - someone I didn't even know existed until today. And clearly she held little to no respect for them. I made a face at the reminder of her words. I don't care if you want to be whatever you are but you don't have to lie about it. I probably triggered her. Maybe that's why she has a stick up her ass. I snorted to myself. Imagine?

It wouldn't be the first time someone projected onto me. It seemed as though no matter what, I could never completely bury my past experiences. The phenomena of being the odd one out followed me like an old friend, greeting me at the door with its hand outstretched.