Tonight is one of those nights... I sit alone outside, looking at the stars.
I am talking to myself, but with the illusion that I am not alone, and that, somehow, those celestial bodies can listen and give me some answers or encouragement. I think about all I went through a year ago, and all the growth from then to now. I am stronger than I was back then, yet here I am in tears, waiting for a miracle.
A year ago, the woman I was, the one everyone knew, had disappeared. Darkness had crept over her and kidnapped her in her own body. I fought hard to let her out, but the pain I was going through was debilitating. I would, at times, have glimpses of her here and there, but I knew my only way to release my inner self was by returning to the place where I had truly felt free as myself.
There were some angels in my life who never gave up on me. They knew the darkness surrounding me was temporary and I would win this battle. Returning to where I was once genuinely free, was a step toward victory, yet clouds still roamed over my soul. I was beginning to win battles, but the war was not over.
While I had always thought home would be the cure to my darkness, I realized I was confusing what type of home I needed. Home is not necessarily a house, town, or country. Home is where you feel loved, cared for, safe and comfortable. The people that provide those feelings are my true home. I realized I had focused so much on the location, that I had forgotten to fight the clouds, for they were blocking the rays of sunshine from shining through, into my soul. Those people, who I call home, were fighting through the storm that surrounded me, trying to find me. Yet not everyone was ready for that battle.
There was one person, who I am so grateful to, who shined the light that broke the clouds apart. It was as if not only light, but the strongest of winds blew those clouds again and I saw myself again.
So, tonight, I thank the stars. As if somehow, thanking them, would send a message to those stars of my life, that brightened my life again.
YOU ARE READING
Just Look at the Stars
NonfiksiAt my worst, one thing has always served as therapeutic to me. The world around me could be falling to pieces, and if I sit outside and just look at the stars, I realize how small these problems are compared to the universe around us. Things will ge...
