Tonight is one of those nights... I sit alone outside, looking at the stars.
I am talking to myself, but with the illusion that I am not alone, and that, somehow, those celestial bodies can listen and give me some answers or encouragement. I think about all I went through a year ago, and all the growth from then to now. I am stronger than I was back then, yet here I am in tears, waiting for a miracle.
A year ago, the woman I was, the one everyone knew, had disappeared. Darkness had crept over her and kidnapped her in her own body. I fought hard to let her out, but the pain I was going through was debilitating. I would, at times, have glimpses of her here and there, but I knew my only way to release my inner self was by returning to the place where I had truly felt free as myself.
There were some angels in my life who never gave up on me. They knew the darkness surrounding me was temporary and I would win this battle. Returning to where I was once genuinely free, was a step toward victory, yet clouds still roamed over my soul. I was beginning to win battles, but the war was not over.
While I had always thought home would be the cure to my darkness, I realized I was confusing what type of home I needed. Home is not necessarily a house, town, or country. Home is where you feel loved, cared for, safe and comfortable. The people that provide those feelings are my true home. I realized I had focused so much on the location, that I had forgotten to fight the clouds, for they were blocking the rays of sunshine from shining through, into my soul. Those people, who I call home, were fighting through the storm that surrounded me, trying to find me. Yet not everyone was ready for that battle.
There was one person, who I am so grateful to, who shined the light that broke the clouds apart. It was as if not only light, but the strongest of winds blew those clouds again and I saw myself again.
So, tonight, I thank the stars. As if somehow, thanking them, would send a message to those stars of my life, that brightened my life again.
YOU ARE READING
Just Look at the Stars
Non-FictionAt my worst, one thing has always served as therapeutic to me. The world around me could be falling to pieces, and if I sit outside and just look at the stars, I realize how small these problems are compared to the universe around us. Things will ge...
