When I started to ignore her. I started to fall into a hole. And well, I was always in the hole, but I didn't know that. I was falling unnoticably and slowly. Now I am falling so fast and uncomfortably, that it hurts my insides. Day by day, I was lonelier and nobody came to speak with me anymore. My days were long and rough. People laughed at me when I walked through the hallways, and when I was seen alone.
Here is a conversation what she, my ex-friend had with my other so called friends. I was told this a year later.
"Kaos told me that she saw ghosts. Isn't that just so fucking ridiculous?" she said while bursting out into a laughter."
"Fucking bitch. Fucking weirdo. She has always been like that but we didn't want to alarm you." other one of the girls say.
"Did you hear about what *Miles* said about her?" one of them continued.
"Well, apparently she was or has been faking depression. Isn't that just so stupid? What an attention whore?" she continued.
"That explains why she is such a fucking freak. I mean look at her." one of them says, while pointing at me and the whole group starts to laugh at me.
It escalated even further, when more people noticed me alone. The time I was alone felt so ridiculously long but short. I can't remember most of it, but I do remember that all I did was blame myself for being bullied and being hurt. I hated to feel this way. I hated how fragile I was. I hated how I didn't protect myself. I hated myself everyday, when I looked at the mirror. I thought how much better off people would be without me. I thought of cutting. I looked at a knife everyday, but I was afraid to use it. I wanted to hang myself. And what I was talented at felt like I was shit at.
YOU ARE READING
Scars that Never Heal
Poetry"Depression has played a huge part in my life as long as I can remember. It is my only problem, that plays a huge part in me, that ruins my life, my happiness, my hope and my relationships. I feel worthless, talentless, ugly, stupid, dumb, unlovable...
