Twenty-Four Hours || k.hj

eomma

Mama,

I've just been staring at this paper for ten minutes. There's so much to say.

I guess I'll start with I love you and I love that you are my mother. I love how you raised us. There were flaws, of course, but very few, especially compared to most parents I've seen.

You always wanted us to feel safe, understood, and respected and, overall, I very much did.

Wow, I'm kind of uncomfortable with how much I rely on you now; I know I'm uncomfortable with vulnerability. But when it was needed, you always were there to help.

Thank you for nurturing me to become my own person. When I wanted to pierce my ears, you came with me to the shop. When I wanted to wear makeup, you got excited with me. No matter what clothes I wore - masculine or feminine - you never made comments except on what you liked. Whenever I wanted to cut or dye my hair, even getting tattoos, I would do it as a surprise for you. I knew I didn't have to ask, because you understood my body is my own.

You taught me to question the world and the people around me. You supported my questioning, even when I found a different answer than yours. If, at times, my morals were even different from yours, you did not push me to change. You understood my mind and heart are my own.

When you decided to homeschool us, Dad and his entire family was against it for years. Thank you for persevering. Being homeschooled was and is one of the greatest happinesses in my life.

I know raising me wasn't easy, through any of it. I was so harsh on you when I was young, and even now I don't know how to properly communicate with you. All those times I told you I wanted to die, the times you found me in the closet, or during my few panic attacks, that must've really hurt you, scared you. I try not to blame you for my existence anymore.

All the times I yelled at you, I'm sorry.

I don't feel like enough. Not enough for you nor myself, and since you'll never read this letter, I feel like I can say that. I know, at least, you think I'm enough.

I just want you to know, I would not choose a mother other than you.

I love you. I'll see you later, Mama,

Your son