Skin ; Lashton

Chapter Eight

I open my eyes and the first thing I see is my hand holding Ashtons arm. I know it's his from the very moment I see it, so it's no surprise when I glance up and see him sitting up in bed next to me. He's silently looking at his phone and hasn't noticed that I'm awake yet. I look around a little and see that we're in his bed, in his room.

Oh, that's right, I fell asleep next to him last night. That makes me feel so much better. Maybe things will slip back into place for us now. Pulling away from Ashton has been the most exhausting part of my life lately.

I apologized to him last night, I think. Yeah, I remember it now. I was drunk then though, so I should probably apologize again, properly this time.

Unfortunately, I still have such strong feelings for him, but I can't do this forever. They show no sign of diminishing, and they're not worth losing Ash over.

How did I end up talking to him again?

His head snaps down to look at me when he notices me wake up. I know he felt the way my hand tensed up along with the rest of my body.

That thought is the only thing it takes for everything to come back to me all at once, as if it was some sort of strange dream I had. More like a nightmare. But it's not- all of that really happened.

God, why the fuck did I let that happen?

I slowly sit up and the ignore the pain in my head. How do I always get myself into the worst situations with boys? I can't believe I went through with what I did last night. Who am I?

"Luke?" Ashton calls my name carefully, and I feel the bed shift, meaning he's sitting forward in anticipation of what I do next.

I don't speak as I feel tears well in my eyes. I'm ashamed, embarrassed, and disgusted with myself. I turn my head to face Ashton, and his lips push down in a sympathetic frown when he sees my eyes.

Leaning forward and reaching my arms out the slightest bit is all it takes for him to grab me up in his and hold me close. As soon as he's holding me, the words just come out.

"I'm sorry for how I've been- if I've hurt you-" I start to apologize again, stammering a bit through my tears. He just quietly shushes me and rubs my back.

"I know. Don't even worry about it, okay? I forgive you. We don't have to talk about it right now." He says calmly. I relax into his hold, appreciating him so much. He never fails to know exactly what I need. Because right now, I really don't want to talk about anything at all, I just want to be here with him. But I can't put this off. Apologizing to Ash is the most important thing right now. I owe it to him.

"N-no, you deserve an explanation at least. I really am sorry."

"I believe you're sorry, you don't have to explain anything."

"I know you're just saying that." I say, pulling away from the hug and wiping my eyes. I calm myself down enough to think and ground myself. I can't tell Ashton the full truth of why I've been giving him the cold shoulder, but I can at least give him something.

"It wasn't anything you did. It wasn't your fault at all, I just kind of... panicked. I needed some space. After- you know, you sort of realized how shitty my relationship with Conner was, I was just so embarrassed. I didn't want anyone to know anything about it, you know?" I say, looking down at my hands as I wring them together.

It's the half-truth. Ashton seeing Conner treating me the way he did was embarrassing. It's not the greatest feeling in the world, knowing someone has pieced together part of something you wanted to be kept secret. I wanted that part of my life to just die when our relationship ended. No one ever had to know, then it could just be over. It would die with me...