Chennai Terminal || WLW Novel || Indian Sapphic

1. Pro at Disappearing

I think of her all the time.

On dark rainy nights when I just can't sleep, I look through the window from my bed just staring into the dark and wonder if she's thinking of me too.

America was our dream, growing up together in a more accepting city, holding hands openly and living our lives peacefully. I am here now, in the U.S alone, every now and then eyeing a woman mistaking them for her.

12 years ago, our family moved into this loud neighborhood and I hated it. I spent years avoiding small talk locking myself upstairs.

I hated my neighbours.

I wasn't the only one though, she hated them as much as me but was just too mature to rant about it. Atleast that's what I thought of her back then.

18 was a weird age. I lied to my parents about my classes and go to places with my friends. I lied to my friends about finding girls on my class hot so they'd believe I was gay.

I've always questioned my sexuality.
Even now, after my long long relationships with women, I sometimes stare at the void in my TV just wondering if I'm lying to myself and everyone. The only thing I was sure about though, was that I loved her. Love her? Loved her? Idk.

I was upstairs sketching like I always do, near my window just bathing in that cold breeze. I looked out for a new woman walking towards our house. My neighbour welcomed her with his loud ass voice and my parents walked up to her too. It looked like a scene of ants collecting up on a piece of cookie.

My mommy called me loudly, "Kanna, look at this pretty akka."
And I couldn't.

I tried squinting and widening my eyes, but I just couldn't. I had undiagnosed far-sightedness at that point.

I couldn't look at her features anything, it was all a blur. A red blurry figure, that's it. I rushed downstairs to look at her, but she was gone.

Makes sense now. She was a pro at disappearing.

"Kanna you should've seen that akka. She was very pretty. Prettier than even Emma watson." My mom told me with a smirk. And I didn't believe her. I should've though.

Since then I had a vague information about her through my neighbour's gossips. That she worked in an IT company and that the family had pressured her into resigning it. He also said she took her scooter and travelled somewhere other than office but we'll pretend he didn't say that.

Occassionally, she'd come in and I'd look through the window but it would be a blur. Again and again.

I was preparing for my post graduate, without a single interest towards it. I wanted to make a living with art. Somehow but that's all I want to do. I didn't care about things 18 year olds usually cared about - career or love. All I wanted to do was doodle and doodle and paste them on my room walls.

She wasn't very talkative to our neighbours too. It built me a certain curiousity about her.

On this day, I crossed her house and I must've been blind or something, I bumped into her. Like literally.

I dramatically dropped everything that was on my hand, my phone, wallet, the bag I carried which has basically just snacks and frowned at her.

She looked like she barely had any energy, she didn't even look me in the eyes, politely looked down, apologised and started to pick up the things. I felt bad.

I slowly bent down and started to put things in the bag. We were an inch next to each other and I looked up at her face. Her eyes seemed wet, maybe she wasn't crying, but I said "I mean it's not worth crying though" and she looked up to me smiling.

She had dimples, and very pink lips, she burst into a small giggle.

She was pretty, I couldn't help but smile back at her, I felt my cheeks tighten, and my stomache tickle. Man was she pretty. I waved her politely with a smile and came home. And... I forgot about her cuz your girl meets pretty people all the time. So yeah.

Little did I know my whole life's purpose was slowly being altered.