Chennai Terminal || WLW Novel || Indian Sapphic

3. Basically delusion

As I said before, 18 is a weird age.
It was a weird age for my friend Rishi too. He had asked out three different women and apparently one of them agreed for a date.

And since 18 was a weird age, I had this jealousy towards them. I felt as though our single gang was broken because of some stupid girl.

But it was already late. And I had a massive crush on my classmate and I couldn't ask her out, because, obviously, that is suicide.

It's funny that the only thing I remember about her now is that I had a massive crush on her. And honestly, sometimes I look back at the group picture and wonder why I even had a crush on her. She was the nerdy and rude class representative who did more than she was assigned.

If I should be honest, and I hope I don't sound ridiculous but I don't remember any of my crushes before her. Nayan. And I don't think I'll ever have a love like that again.

You might expect me to grow an instant crush on her, but I hated her the first few months. She was a little bit older than me and my parents and even neighbours asked me to look up to her. She was the traditional type who wore something 'decent' and always tied her hair and always had a bindi. She was the life that my parents wanted me to have.

I had classes that day. Accounts. I think. Strike that, actually I lied that I had classes that day. We had classes on alternate days and I lied that I had it on all the days of the week. And I must say, my parents still think I had classes on all days of the week.

My dad picked me up as usual that day, and we happen to cross her house.

He rode as usual and took a sudden turn to the left and this woman randomly appeared. Not really random, since it's the house she lives in, but it' so random cause we barely see her outside. I'm not a horny person, but I must say I was real horny that day.

And I don't know why, but the first thing that I noticed of her, was her lips. And for a second there, I forgot that I didn't like her. Also she had bed hair and wore a red kurthi and bangles on one hand. Out of topic, I really hate her now for all the drama but I still think of her red dresses. It's her colour.

I remember my dad dropping me at the entrance of the academy and I just stood there like a statue thinking about her.

"Call me when it's over di" appa said and just stood there in his bike waiting for my reply. And then he just made a confused look and drove away.

So yeah I didn't have classes that day, I just walked away from there. The beach is near, so now you know where I went. I must say, the academy's spot was a good spot for tourists and entertainment but a bad spot for teaching boring things. So it's not my fault.

I miss the breeze hitting me. That is something the Times Square can't give a person. Back in Chennai, the tourist spots were ethereal. Full of trash, but ethereal. It was beautiful. All that shine reflecting on this blue cloth of waves, it's soothing to watch.

And I usually just sketch those scenaries. And I kinda also sketched something else.

Come to think of it, I did behave like a perverted single person but it was fun. So, there's this place that only pros know. It was a park like thing but like lovers do there. It was disgusting but intriguing.

It's always fun to draw humans in different positions, but what makes them even more intriguing is that there are two of them, and one directly and indirectly influenced the other. It's just so fun and adventurous to draw them.

As an Indian I must say wanting a kiss is like being a lesbian. You try so hard to figure out your sexuality and the next thing you know you'll be married off to a man who thinks women shouldn't even be educated. Inside joke you won't get it.

So basically I just sit there and see who's cheating on who, who's gay and in denial, who's freshly there and shit. But that day, something emerged in me. I thought maybe I was just being a platonic friendly appreciating person and that I wanted to convey to that woman in my street about how breathtaking and perfect she was.

"Should I get her number and send a text? Or can I do it the old school way?" I said to myself and stopped sketching. I put my pencil next to the sketch and had serious thoughts.

'what should I even write-"

'what shall I write tho'

"Dear lady-"

"I'm not good at compliments or pick up lines, but I think even the world's best compliment writer can't describe your beauty. I don't want to fall for you, but you make it hard for me."

I now think that this friendly letter somehow turned romantic but I didn't even realise back then.

"I just think that, regardless of your age, qualification or let's say, gender (or sex but like I assumed both will be the same for you) I think I'd check you out cuz you're like magnificent. And under right circumstances and probably right biological situations, I'd think you'll fall for me too. Anyways, I just wanted to say, you're a real snack.
Thank you"

Stupid now that I think of it, but i was real proud. My first decision was to just throw it away but my mind changed cuz I actually thought the letter was so good it deserved to be tested. It was destined to be shown to the world let alone the woman. And so I decided not to write my name and post it in their house.

That evening after I came home, I went back to her place and tried to put it in her home's post box. I remember hearing footsteps and I ran from there like hell.

"Girl wait!" I heard a voice. I turned back and it was her.

My face turn red, half blushing and half scared of what will happen.

"What's your name?" The woman asked me.

"M-madhu".
"What's yours-?"

"Oh. Nayan"

I made a joke. "haha nine?" but the woman doesn't smile back. She picked the paper from the box and slowly opened the fold.

She smiled, frowned and I just was so bothered with the mixed signals. "Nice sketch" she said pointing to my doodle behind the letter.

"Did you write this for me?"

"N-y uh kinda... Do you like it?" I said and focused so hard on her reply.

"Yes".

"but you have a grammatical error" she said and slowly showed the paper with her finger on it. I was confused and eager and I came closer. Not too close though.

"You wrote 'you're a real snack' which I'm sure doesn't make any sense. I can't tell what exactly you're trying to convey, but that is so incorrect"

"N-no that means- like- no ugh forget it", I said and snatched it from her.

"No!! Give it to me, I- like it." she said and grabbed it from me.

I remember thinking "why would she want this? Is she stupid?"
I was stupid.

And for the rest of the day, I couldn't help but make scenarios in my head of her and me. Nothing specific, just random scenes that couples in movies do. I convinced myself we had a spark and that she felt the same way about me.

My tiny brain probably thought it had a chance. I'm sure she has never even loved anyone before. But then, I had this feeling she liked me back. Basically delusion.