Escaping from reality

Part 34

Jungkook's POV
She said she wants me to suffer cause I'm hurting her and I truly don't mind getting hurt to make her happy. Cause I can't see her hurt and I can hurt myself if I hurt her.

I sat on the chair and those spikes started digging in in my flesh. I had been through so much that I'm myself surprised that I didn't even say a single thing. I never thought that everything had made me numb.

I seriously need to see a doctor to cure my bipolar. 'You say this everytime but when it comes to reality you say you're fine.' I know I'm not well but I don't want anyone to know about my flaws.

I don't want anyone to think I'm just some pathetic shit. That makes me feel like shit.

She was crying already and I don't want her to cry but when she saw the way those spikes were piercing my skin her tears started to stream faster. She closed her eyes and after a while asked them to stop it but it confused me cause she was the one who said to make it faster.

But what she said next broke my heart. She said she hates me. Why can't she just understand that I need some love too. I never got that love and care. I want her to love me. My parents left me when I was a kid. I never got the chance to live like a kid. I did everything myself and in that I forgot I was a kid too I needed love and care. That made me get depressed. I lost myself in that and I want to find myself back.

Y/n:- "C-call the doctor."

Jungkook:- "No I'm fine."

I know I'm not everyone can clearly see it but at the moment I just do not feel the pain, the hurt.

After a while when they wrapped the things around my abdomen, I decided to get home. I sat in my car and started driving. A few minutes later we reached home.

It was a silent ride. I got out of my car and we walked in. She went straight to her bedroom without saying anything.

I got upstairs to my room and lied down on my bed. It hurts when you want to cry but your tears are not ready to come out.

I picked her diary and started flipping through the pages.

Dear diary
07/01/2019

I hate to write this but yesterday I attempted suicide. I don't know what got into me but I pierced the pen on my nerve. The blood started oozing out and don't know how I ended up on the sickbed. I had a lot on my mind yesterday.

I can't get why they don't understand that I'm trying my best to make them proud of me. I want mom to love me, I want to feel loved.

All I wanted was nothing but a friend a friend who could listen to me but fate. My ill fate. What I got is nothing but scars, trauma, pain, cries. I can never be enough for them even if I sell myself.

I wanna die. That's the only way I can get rid of myself. I want to leave myself and run. Thought of dieing scares me but at the same time I want to disappear forever.

I hate mom, dad, myself. Everything. I hate my life.

The end 🥀
A sea which is cold and dread,
I'm standing in a desert holding my breath.
I want to spread my wings and fly away,
I'm looking at the sky thinking it'll carry me away.
My beginning is starting to become my end,
But the dubiety is, is it really the end?~

-Y/n

I never saw any marks on her wrists maybe because most of the time she wears full sleeved clothes.

The poem she wrote was what I felt when I was younger. I used to sit for hours looking at the sky thinking mom will come and take me out of this hell. But she never came back.

But my brothers were always there even though not actually there but they were. I never went to them to vent out my feelings cause I felt like doing so will increase their stress as it was not easy for them to bring up a small boy.

Everything went normal until Jimin hyung went abroad for his higher studies while Yoongi hyung had to look after the whole family.

I used to go to the school and I spent most of my time there. Yoongi hyung got depressed, he started being distant and used to isolate himself. He got so fed with his life that he tried to jump off the cliff but Soekjin hyung helped him through that.

He received medication for his depression while little did they know someone else was getting to the same place.

Once Jimin came back he started spending time with me and saw me bring distant and eatinga lot cause I had put on a lot of weight. He suggested Yoongi hyung to get me diagnosed and it turned out to be that I was not only depressed but I had bipolar disorder too.

They gave me those anti depressants but that brain of mine never believed them until Jimin hyung made me take them. It took me so long to get out of that dark pit but my bipolar never left me. I became a little cheerful when I thought I had her for the rest of my life but she left me and that flower died.

It's not easy to grow something beautiful inside yourself when all you have is storms running inside you. Those dark clouds are always inside me but now I've got used to it. Used to with being this way, broken but gusty.

I heard a knock at my door so I opened it and saw one of my man standing. I asked him why he was here so it came up that, a little shit is getting whiny so I need to get him to the path.

I grabbed my keys and went away to put a tape on that whiny kids face.

Y/n's POV
I saw Jungkook going thats when I heard a call for me. It was my neurologist. He had come here for a therapy.

I got downstairs and we came outside to the lawn. He said taking fresh air helps soothing anxiety. He went inside and brought a water bottle for me.

He told me the ways of meditation. And helped me with the exercises.

He told me to spread my legs straight and bend down so that my head touches my knees. He asked me to maintain the position for 2 minutes and then asked me to sit while crossing my legs and keeping my hands on my knees while closing my eyes and inhaling deeply for 5 seconds and then exhaling carbondioxide for 7 secs. And asked me to repeat it 10 times.

After meditating for 20 minutes we came back inside and he gave me the medicines. I took my dose and he left.

I went upstairs and started scrolling through my phone.

Jungkook's POV
I came back to the torture center to deal with that shit. He is getting on my nerves now cause I just lied on the bed and because of him I had to come back.

I entered the room.

Jungkook:- "You being too intransigent........

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Update

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