Bittersweet - aidan g. imagines

LOST; UNTIL I FOUND YOU.

- notes!!

AIDAN GALLAGHER| AGE : 16
( ^ ) ANGST ( : ) FLUFF

FEM READER!!

All by myself alone with my thoughts again. I really tried to escape for real. When I finally silence my head it seems to be triggered by something every-time.

Does my mother not want me to be okay?

I know I've done things wrong and Ive held accountability but I don't understand how the smallest thing can make her hate me all over again.

Sometime I sit through my room my head pulsating with these horrid thoughts.

In my time trapped I've discovered some new things. I'm not a coward. I'm just a person who cares.

I never understood how people were able to have such cold hearts, every time I want to let my head go I can't stop thinking about the people who do care.

The people who have kept me in check.

Being at home, drives me mad. But not the good kind. The bad kind. The horrible kind. The kind where you want to put a bullet between your eyes.

The kind that makes your head pulsate rapidly. The kind that forces you to swallow pill after pill.

Hearing my mother. Her insults. The horrible feeling in your chest when you listen and notice that your mothers words are real.

Maybe I am ill.

Maybe I am crazy.

Maybe I'm fucking mental!

But dear mother I hope you know that I've inherited this over the years, Over the months. I have every single mental illness that you have mother.

Mother you have hurt me.

Father you have too.

You both have.

No matter how fucking destroyed I am because of you, no matter how often I beat myself for you.

Dozens of times I tried to end my life because of you. Mother maybe I am crazy.

Father maybe I do need help.

But have you provided that for me?

Have you!?

Tell me? Have you?

Father truth is I miss you.

I miss you so fucking much. I don't care that we've never lived in the same house, and I certainly don't care that we talk when we can.

But Father all I wanted was for you, me and Mother to grow and thrive in the same house.

I tried to deny it hundreds of times. Saying that I was happy with my step father, and my mother followed by my brothers.

That's not the truth at all Father. Sometime I wonder what it could've been like. I hate that I can't remember many of my memories with you.

I hate that I've never had a memory with you and mother together. Father I hate that everyone is so fucking calm about it.

I hate it.

I hate myself. I hate that I can't change, and I hate my past.

I hate how often I cry because of my own mistakes.

Only thing is, he loves every thing about me. He says it with his own words. In his own voice. If I'm being honest I don't think I would've made it this far without him. So I don't care how fucked up I am.

I doesn't matter how much I suffer. As long as he's okay. I'm okay.

"n/n?" Aidan softly spoke, his footsteps trudging closer too me. I stared blankly at the ground, my tears blinding my vision. I left home again for what felt like the 100th time this month.

Letting my day run by as I hid in a coffee shop, the smell quite comforting. I had been crying for the past hour or so, I was alright for a moment until someone asked if I was okay. That's what triggered it.

Aidan sat beside me, his arm scooting me closer too him.

"Hey, don't cry. I'm here it's okay." Aidan mumbled, his hand making it's way to my chin, he wiped my left cheek with his hand, his face containing a small smile. Just the look in his eyes convinced me.

"What happened?" Aidan asked with a whisper his eyes meeting mine. His hand traced the pattern on the sleeve of my jacket. I looked into his eyes, my eyes soon falling towards his cheeks that were as red as a cherry.

The cold winter breeze also making the tip of his nose red, his ears with a tint of red too, Aidan smiled at me his hand that was on my cheek now dropping and holding mine.

"Take your time. I'll listen." Aidan mumbled, his thumb rubbing my knuckles carefully. Aidan's emerald eyes reminded me of everything beautiful. I embraced him in a hug my eyes shutting tightly as I hugged him, my face snuggled into the crook of his neck.

"My mom, she just, It doesn't matter now." I mumbled, holding tightly to the back of his hoodie. Aidan nodded. I pulled away from the hug meeting Aidan's face, a smile across his lips.

Aidan motioned to the full mug of coffee, that was still warm due to the steam radiating out from the top. "May I?" He asked, looking me in the eyes as his hand held mine firmly.

I smiled at him, wiping the remaining of my tears with my free hand. "Go ahead." I responded watching as the red slowly faded from his cheeks. Aidan smiled, grabbing the mug with his free hand.

He took a large drink from the mug, he quickly pulled away, hissing slightly. I lightly laughed at it. "Maybe I should've waited for it too cool down hm?" He whispered smiling widely. I smiled right back at him.

"I'd order crepes or something but mr. vegan here can consume no dairy." I responded shrugging my shoulder's slightly. Aidan shook his head. "I can eat Oreo's." Aidan responded, his hand wrapping tightly around mine.

Just his presence had made my day.

"No? Oreo's are vegan? Since when!" I exclaimed, Aidan softly laughed bringing my hand towards his lips. He planted a kiss on the top of it making me look away, blush forming across my cheeks.

"Since always, n/n." Aidan responded, a cheeky grin escaping his lips. "I don't think they sell Oreo's in a coffee shop though." I responded to which Aidan just smiled. "Let's get the coffee to go and buy Oreo's from the local grocery store." Aidan spoke. I smiled at him.

"Mkay." I raised my hand to try and get a waiter's attention. Once I had I asked for two cups to get our coffee to go. We carefully poured the coffee into the portable cups and shut them, keeping them warm.

Aidan pulled a beanie over his head and than pulled his hood over too. He was wearing a sleeveless jacket. I had a scarf and a beanie, Aidan forced me to wear the beanie. I pulled on my gloves and held my coffee in one hand while my other held Aidan's hand.

"It's so cold today." I complained, as me and Aidan walked out the coffee shop doors. We walked hand in hand towards Aidan's car, that he parked far for some reason. "I know, but christmas is soon, I'm excited for that." Aidan mumbled, holding my hand tightly.

Aidan took a sip from his coffee, his cheeks red yet again, he softly pulled me towards him as we stood in front of some sort of crocheting store. Aidan softly smiled at me his eyes looking into mine.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked, smiling under my scarf. Aidan let out a tiny snicker. He pulled down my scarf leaning in carefully before his lips met mine, I leaned further into the kiss, his lips having a taste of coffee across them.

He pulled away, smiling brightly, his cheeks now even a darker shade of red than before. I smiled cheekily at him, his hair sticking out of his beanie blew in the wind. "My car is right there." He mumbled pointing at his car that was only a few steps aways.

"Shall we head to the store now m'lady?" He asked, snickering lightly. I scoffed, playfully rolling my eyes at him. "Let's go get your Oreo's." I whispered, planting a kiss on his cheek.