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𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙿𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝚃𝚆𝙴𝙽𝚃𝚈 𝚃𝚆𝙾
The thing they both feared was becoming strangers again. To act like everything never happened. Maybe one day he'd hear her name and it won't affect him anymore, or he'd see her and she'll just look like everyone else - a blank face in a crowd.
A passerby.
He didn't want her to become a blank face, a fragment of his past, or an old story. If possible, he wanted to hold onto this as long as he could - even if, in the end, they both parted ways.
If the cycle had to repeat itself, what would they do? Surely Kenma wouldn't let it happen again, he wouldn't fate himself to go through the same heartbreak twice. Or would he? he found himself in a position where he didn't know which one was the better option - to run or stay. Would he run and save himself from it all? or stay and cling onto something that wasn't stable?
If someone had to ask Kenma that question, he'd hesitate and then side with the latter. As much as he didn't want heartbreak, he didn't want to let her go either. So if a heartbreak was waiting for him on the other side, then he was welcoming it.
He spent months wishing to have her back and to fix what was broken. So if he left now that part of regret in him would never go away, and he'd miss her even more. He would never be able to turn over to a new page if he left now.
So the heartbreak would be worth it. It had to be.
She wants to be with him as long as possible. Maybe for the rest of their lives, grow old together - that sort of thing. She could say that she loves him. But since she came back to Japan, the regret weighed seriously on her. She loves him, but she wasn't sure if she was supposed to be here. She didn't know if it was a good idea, but she loved him. She didn't regret coming back or leaving, she regretted how she left.
If she did things differently then, it wouldn't be like this now. She didn't know how to fix it. She wanted him back, to be in his arms and not at arm's length, to hold him. She felt like a stranger, someone new in his life.
And maybe that was supposed to be good. But for her, it was the most suffocating and gut-wrenching feeling. She didn't want to be a stranger. Being a stranger means that somewhere down the line she was forgotten. And even though she might have deserved it, it still hurt.
Maybe it was selfish, but she didn't want to start over. She wanted a continuation, to be treated like she was someone he always knew. She knew he couldn't help it, but it still hurt. Everything hurt when she was aware.
She knew not to rush. But when he sat in a room with her it felt like they are still worlds apart. Like deep down, he hated her or didn't want her anymore.
Consequences have actions. But those actions can be fixed, and she had planned on doing such.
It was just to get the conversations she have with her brain, out of her mouth in reasonable sentences. So like he taught her, she'd have to start small and with the thing that was on her mind the most.
