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𝙲𝙷𝙰𝙿𝚃𝙴𝚁 𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙴𝚃𝙴𝙴𝙽.
Happiness was the highest emotion in the room. Though they weren't gushing and smiling like idiots on the outside - it was definitely happening on the inside. It was like they were thirteen all over again - back in middle school where love was a jittery feeling of pure bliss and happiness. They enjoyed the feeling regardless. It was like going on a treasure chest hunt in the middle of a deserted island searching for something they thought they would never find. But they did find it, the treasure, despite all the reasons not to. They found happiness.
It was happiness some people never found, and for that they were grateful. Grateful that in the end, they would work out. It was meant to be, they were meant to be. But they would take it slow this time and do everything right - no faulty mistakes like the last time. They could only hope for the best since they didn't know what future awaited them.
But what was there to do? Could they talk, and if so- what would they talk about? What could they say that the other person didn't already know? They already knew everything there was to know- they went through it already. But was it okay not to talk? Was talking the only way for them to decipher the emotions within them both, or was something missing? Would a conversation bring them forward?
Falling in love for the first time wasn't as complicated as this. You just fell and got the details later- but when you do it for the second time, everything is a calculated movement. Like how one wrong row could send a boat off course, one wrong thing could send their relationship up in flames. It was tricky. They might have been able to overcome the last hardships but that couldn't be said for this one, and for that, they were on edge.
But they had to relax. Being too calm might become an issue, but after a while, overthinking becomes one too - so what would they do? The best they could do was hold each other since conversations were pointless.
Physical touch. The feeling of skin on skin - his heartbeat being heard in her ear and his hand moving slowly across her back to prove some type of comfort and reassurance. The only position they understood because of how close it brought them. Tender kisses that were sometimes placed on her forehead and the endless circles she drew on his skin, sometimes tended to form a little heart. Talking may have gotten old and pointless but their endless physical touch didn't.
It was moments like this he missed. Times where it was just them and not him alone. Memories and moments he thought he'd never get back because she seemed so far out of reach from it. Days he dreamt of because he loved her dearly, the day she got him Mochi, back when they first met as kids, when she confessed - everything about her he cherished and kept so close to his heart.
He felt like he would always reminisce when it came to her, because although he could feel her body next to his, although he knew that every word that she said came from her heart - he still feared that one day he'd wake up and she'd be gone or he'd wake up and find that she was never there to begin with.
It was in his mind that she'd leave him again, that maybe this time it would actually be his fault. So each time he thought of it, he'd pull her closer and place a kiss on her head just to make sure she was actually there.
Confirmation was something he realized they both needed. Just as how he'd pull her closer to make sure she was still there, she draw the imaginary shapes on his arm or say something random just to hear his voice. He craved her physical touch as much as she did, but she loved his voice just as more.
His voice was soothing to her. It calmed her down and reminded her of where she was. She'd do anything just to hear his voice - it meant that much to her. So maybe it was because she was gone for so long that the urge to hear his voice for hours on end got worse. She wanted to hear him talk, but she couldn't hide her desire in trying to start a conversation because she had nothing to talk about.
"Hey, Kenma?" she said in a soft voice to gain his attention. Kenma glanced down at her, showing her that he heard her and was listening. So she went to speak again, but she couldn't get the words out. Was it so hard just to ask a simple question? Or did she fear that he would laugh and ignore her? She already knew how Kenma was, but just like how he has his doubts - she had hers.
So sometimes in a situation as simple as this, she tended to overthink and fear the worst. And that was something she needed to work on, she knew that very well - all too well maybe.
But still, her doubt was heavy. She knew Kenma realized she was doubting her words - he always did. So it was only natural for him to snap her out of her daze and bring her back to the present. "You zoned out, what's up?" he asked softly as he played with some of the stray curls that fell from her bun.
Would she come out and say it? she was sure he already knew it too, but would she ask? When she really thought about it - it wasn't that big of a deal. She really wished not to compare Kenma to other people, she knew that he would never laugh at her, or disregard her to the side like trash.
So she asked. "Can you talk to me? Please? Just want to hear your voice." she mumbled as she fumbled with her fingers. In a way, she felt pathetic because of how small she felt - she felt like she was asking for too much, demanding too much even. But he told her otherwise like he always did.
She expected him to laugh when he didn't respond it made her sit up to look at him only to find him smiling. She furrowed her eyebrows at him, "Weird." she said while letting out a small soft laugh.
He turned his head to meet her eyes and widened his smile a bit, "yeah, I might be." he shrugged but then he grabbed her arm and pulled her on top of him softly, "But if you just wanted to hear my voice, you should've said so sooner. Was starting to think that you hated me."
They both chuckled at his words, and he continued to talk - though some of it made no sense. He rambled about his friendships with an orange-haired boy he met back in school, then about a new game he bought, and other small things until she fell asleep.
Maybe they'd make their own memories somewhere else, just the two of them.
