The Hurt Game

❧ thirty-four

My body was small enough to fit completely on the couch and so I was sprawled out on it, a book resting on my chest. My eyes were transfixed on the ceiling. They had been there for a while now.

Waiting was torture. Time moved ten times more slowly. Time was ten times more dreading when you didn't know how much longer you had to wait. And it was more of a torture when you weren't sure your lover was in safety.

It didn't matter how many times he left the apartment, told me he would be alright and he would come home safe, I always worried. I would fidget a lot more and I would pace aimlessly, all to cope with my nerves. Sometimes I could concentrate enough to write or to read, but most times that was lost in vain and I would only continue to stare at the pages.

Royden never lied though. He always came home. He was alright most of the time. Sometimes he would have a bruise or a small scar, but he was alright with a painkiller and some night rest. I repeated his words and those images in my head all the time, but they never helped. Because what if it wouldn't be fine one day? What then?

He might be physically okay, but I knew a burden weighted him down. He saw things no one ever wanted to imagine, but he chose to see them freely. He always said it was his duty, his time to do something good, to give the world something good.

I admired him for his strength and his persistence, but I knew it could break him easily. I was simply waiting for the day to watch him break and shatter, and I prayed I would be there to pick him up. I could deny it all I wanted, but it was inevitable. One day it would happen and I preferred to be there than to be gone.

A soft sigh escaped my lips and I reached for my phone that was on the couch. My book slouched down from my body, but my fingers grasped it before it could fall on the ground. I placed the book face down on the table.

12.18 AM.

He should have been home twenty minutes ago.

I pursed my lips before getting up and walking towards the kitchen. I grabbed a clean mug and placed it underneath the coffee machine. It had its luxuries to also pour some hot chocolate. Warmth radiated from the mug and the machine when it poured the hot drink in my mug.

I tugged the sleeves of Royden's sweater to my palms and brought them up to my nose. His scent calmed my senses, my thoughts and my worries faded a bit. It was a constant warm hug from him.

As soon as the machine stopped pouring the hot chocolate in my mug, I took it and walked back to the couch. My covered hands were clasped around it, feeling the warmth. The apartment was dimly lit, but it was better than sitting in bright light. It is nicer to sit in the dark while nothing seems bright when he is out, doing what he signed up for.

Despite the steam of the liquid that evaporated in the air, I took a sip and burned my tongue. I curled up in the corner of the couch and had my eyes focused on the door. My heart was beating a little quicker in my chest as anticipation fought for the better of me.

By the time my mug was emptied and placed on the table, I dozed off a couple of times. My eyes fluttered closed, lingered closed before they snapped open.

I didn't know how much longer I waited or if I had actually fallen asleep, but I was wide awake when the rustling of the doorknob broke through the silence. I rubbed my eyes a little and sat up straighter, ready to welcome my boyfriend back.

The door slammed open and my eyes widened as I startled at the sudden noise. A distressed Royden stalked into the apartment. Anthony was right behind.

"Can you calm down?" he hissed at Royden. Royden didn't even spin around to face him. He simply raised his middle finger, casted one glance at me and headed towards the hallway. The door banged shut and silence returned.