Saudade

Different days

For my depression, it departed as an old friend and sometimes sends me gifts so i remember her.
For my mum who gave me pain and allowed me to reshape it.

Dulling Sword
I grow my hair out
You're not around to tug it anymore
I pierce my nose the other way,
You're not around to tell me otherwise

I laugh just a little harder
Your cold words are not around
I let my tears flow
Your screams are too far away

I have become my own person
In you absence I have prospered

But I do not blame you
You are also in pain
Pain that you passed on to me

Your love has been volatile
It sharpened me into a sword
A sword I'll spend the rest of my life dulling
Your love suffocated me

(not my best work but eh)

Some Days
Some days the sun shines
The clouds turn gold and the wind sings
Gravity lessens and I skip
A smile comes easily

Falling in love with life is difficult
Because just like me, life is weighed down
I cannot hold dear the sun and leave the moon
To love life we have to treasure all of it

Perched on a windowsill I watch the rainfall
My tea is scalding when the rainbow peaks out
A little sign that life is alright,
Life made it through

A child giggles at a butterfly
The moon colours red
A stranger gifts a flower anonymously
The trees slowly shed

In the darkest hour trees light our way
We sing and laugh our hearts out
Gifts and compliments are passed out
Holiday wishes pave our future way

I whisper a thank you
I'm still here
Life basks in giving
Life revels in taking

Some days the rain falls
Some days the sun shines
Some days space is needed
Some days we entwine in our very being
Some days I want to live

TW: mild mentions of self harm, eating disorder and abuse

Echos of you
You left my life
Or at least that's what I thought
You never truly leave
A lingering echo of you remains

My best friend has your laugh
When she's happy, I crash
For a moment you take her place
And suddenly I must race

My other friend shares your forgetfulness
Arriving late and out of sight, out of mind
It is torturous
We're entwined

You linger in my good friend
He has your presence and dread
You revel in my temperament
My dad reminds me of that sentiment

I grow out my hair and pierce my nose differently
I starved and slashed my body
I danced and bled into words
I twisted your pain into rhyme

My voice quiets but my thoughts race

Similar interests
Similar build
Similar voice
Similar talents

'You're so much like your mother'
'She'd be proud'

I keep my distance as you left my life
But no distance will change the sharpness of the sword
You are the smith of my blade
You fashioned me to be volatile

You haunt me in the day
You plague me in the night
I dull the sword every day
But you send me wet stones with all your might

You left my life, but you left footprints