Catalyst

Chapter 39

warnings: language, violence

Chapter 39:
402 A.V; Month 11; Day 19

The morning had gone by in a blur, waking up, eating breakfast, staying as close to Andon as possible, just enjoying our time. I was feeling the beginnings nervousness coiling in my stomach. I shouldn't have been, but a little voice in the back of my mind was telling me that Nikola had two chances to put me down. Why would he wait for the second chance? He needed someone new. Viria would do it all for the fame for all the wrong reasons. She'd be his new little robot and I'd be dead.

However, there was the louder voice telling me that I wasn't going to lose. It was my fight, my game. Nikola could think he was in control. He could think he had it all planned out, but then I'd be there to watch all his dreams shrivel up and die as I killed him.

By the time it was time for my fight, I'd found myself in a darker place, not much, but I kept thinking about how he could ever want anything to do with something like the Fortune Fights. To bring people together and watch them die? To encapsulate the darkest parts of human nature; power, violence, and greed. To make it okay to kill another human being for an audience.

 It took me back to what I'd heard about how it started, a way to determine the next ruler of the country, back when the land was fresh from war, ravaged by sickness, people had nothing going for them. The only way they could help was to throw themselves into violence, into death. So many years later, it was tradition. It was glamorous. People wanted fame, glamor, to fit in. You fit in by following trends, slowly becoming mindless and numb to anything, even your own thoughts and feelings. A hive mind. And there I was, darkness seeking to free the light from the darkness that held it back.

"Alloy," Andon said, breaking from my mind, the pit I'd been in the whole morning. I was dressed, ready to fight. I'd done it without thinking, without knowing what I was doing, just that I had to.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Where are you?"

"In my head," I murmured with a small smile. He grinned and kissed the tip of my nose.

"You're going to need to get out of that head," he told me quietly.

"I know." He took my face and lightly pressed his mouth to mine. It woke me up a little, sending pleasant tingles all through my body. I kissed him back, really feeling his lips, his mouth against mine before stepping away. He stayed close, though.

"You sure you want to do this?" His question was unexpected.

"What do you mean?"

"We could leave. Go to the Outland ourselves." For a moment it was tempting. Just to leave, forget it all, but deep down I knew I'd made the decision to keep going until the end.

"I'm already here. Already lost my brother. If I leave, then nothing changes." He let his forehead come to rest on mine.

"I thought I'd try," he murmured with a laugh before stepping back.

"It was a good try. I thought about it, but I've had my mind set for a long time."

"Alright, let's get you down there."

He took my hand and we walked down to the armory side by side. There were masses of press people looking for pictures, poses, and from one, any last words. I almost reached through and grabbed him, but decided to just leave all my anger for Viria instead. Yes, it'd be killing another human being, but she was a part of the problem. She was going to be in the ring with me, gunning to kill me, so what other option did I have than to fight for my life?