Fat in a Thin Body

Chapter One

It was the first day of school. And I was positively, absolutely, completely terrified.

Worry filled my veins and it seemed to pump the very blood I was breathing. I could hear the stand-still of my heart as it suddenly skyrocketed in beats and then immediately cascaded down to a shock filled thumping.

My head throbbed painfully as I got out of my bed, delerious. Lips parting to gasp in the pure air, I clutched the doorknob to my bathroom. I blinked twice in hope to get rid of the scare inside of my body. However, it would not let me. My treacherous body continued spreading the terror-filled red and white blood cells and I kept on breathing in the air painfully.

I whispered a silent prayer of hope, "Please, God, if I get through this day I promise to not only be nice to everyone, but to go out of my way to be friends to the people that have none."

Precisely at this moment the alarm clock rung across the room and made my heart skip a beat. I was a defeated women, I wasn't able to go across the room to even hit the snooze button.

Closing my eyes, I let it ring. My body was protesting the horrid noise that I grasped the knob to tightly. Lifting an eye, I could see that my knuckles were white in relation to the rest of my golden skin. Patches of skin that weren't moisturized seemed to almost burn through my body. I could not take this anymore.

I cascaded my way to the bed and fell there. Reaching out an arm I silenced the alarm clock. The anxiousness seemed to stop. It seemed to have a great effect after the panic attack. "Dad will understand." My thoughts soothed and comforted me.

"Don't let that girl come and play,"

"No!" I screamed. Slowly the nervous that had left my body occupied more space then it had previously. I waited for my brain to stop the chant. "Not today, please."

"She's too fat anyway."

I gripped the sheets, which I was entangled in, with ferocity. I had to stop it. Tears formed at the corners of my eye and threaten to come perilously down my face.

"It doesn't matter if she cries,"

Everything that I held in came pouring out of me. My pillow was getting wet easily as the tears came non-stop. I whispered the last line.

"Let's just wait until she dies."

I looked up at the picture of my two friends. It was taken before the second half of August, which os when I had gotten sick. Aubrey's fiery hair was swept by the wind, and she smiled a devilish smile. Her dress was a long maxi dress that had been sent backwards, highlighting her svelte figure. Next to her was Aubrey, takig a pale hand and reaching back to comb her hair neatly. Her eyes seemed to want to wander to me, who was in the background.

I could see myself with my hesitant smile. My jeans and shirt were ugly and clung to my body hideously. My eyes looked very sad as I tried to hide all of my rolls. Holding up a small mirror, I could not see me in that girl. She was uncomfortable, ashamed, and timid. That wasn't who I was. That couldn't be who I was.

Stepping into the bathroom, I brushed my teeth and had a shower. The water rolled down my skin smoothly and the hot water made my eyes wider. All throughout I just was thinking how everything was so surreal. I wouldn't - I couldn't accept it until my peers saw me.

The first day of school had to be perfect for me. On the door a tight tank top and a floral skirt was hanging. To the side there was a wide waist belt, and a couple of other accessories. I quickly pulled them on and left without looking at the mirror. That would bring back too many feelings of before, when I had to find the best way to hide my fat.