THE SCAR THAT NEVER BLED

|RAZOR BLADES|

November 11th 1977

By the next morning. I woke up, I hoped to God it was a nightmare. But it wasn't. My shorts were still off and on the floor. As I remembered what happened I felt pathetic, weak hell I also felt anger.i get my lower part dressed and I get the courage to walk downstairs. I am met with what looks like thousands of beer cans around the place. 10 on the kitchen counter. 4-5 in the living room. Where lied no other but my father. My eyes widened and shivers evaded my skin. He was passed out drunk. On the couch there was a beer spill. The whole house smelled like a beer tent. And a mix of cigarette too, I then also noticed the ash tray beside one of the crushed beers. There's 6 cigarettes,7 if you included the one that was not fully out making a wave of smoke in the air.

I go back upstairs to the bathroom. To get ready for school I close the door to the bathroom. I can't stop remembering what happened last night no matter how much I try to ignore it i can't escape it.

sobbing heavily I slide down against the door.What did I do to deserve this. I'm just a kid, a 15 year old kid. I remember all the words that was said that night

"good girl" "suck it" "shut up little girl" "just like your mother. a little slut!"

I put my hand against my mouth to silent my cries With all my strength. From the floor I grab onto the counter and got up from the floor. I looked on the counter and saw my mom's leg razor. I looked down at my thigh. And there it was. The cut. I looked back at the razor. I grabbed it analyzing it for a bit. My mind was screaming at me to do it. So I did it...I wish I never did

I took the razor apart until the blade was all what was left. The blade shined on the light that was above the bathroom mirror. The blade came in contact with my wrist, I bit my bottom lip, it hurt so bad but it felt so good. I watched as the blood peaks out of my steam. I did it again and again until a heavy knock came on the door. I jumped,looking into the mirror infront of me, I'm now noticing the little cut on the side of my neck. I put the razor blade to my neck, thinking with one little slice I would be nothing but a memory to people

"Marliyn, you better open this fucking door! " A heavy voice came on the other side of the door.i knew it was my dad the handle jiggled as he tried to open it. Still looking in the mirror I unlock the door. He immediately comes busting in. I turned to him. He had this expression on his face I will never forget "when I say open the door, open it" I gluped down "I understand" I said.While I was about to walk out a hand slapped my ass, "and I mean that, little girl" was all my father said before he shut the bathroom door.
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On the walk to school it was the usual.

Quiet

I wasn't used to the quiet, all what was heard was the birds chirping and cars running over the rest over puddles from last night. It was a decently sunny day but humid. The air was sticky that made my sweater stick to my skin, I pulled my sweater away from my body. While I was looking down I noticed my wrist wounds were still open and bleeding. I quickly wiped it with my sweater but that wasn't no help. Blood kept leaking out of the slit. My immediate thought was what if Finney, Gwen, Robin or fuck.Vance sees when they scar,

Fuck.

I knew Vance if he knew what our father did to me. I knew 100% he would kill him.Vance may not show it but he cares and I can tell he does.

"Hey curly!" I heard a sweet voice come beside me.

It was Gwen,

"Oh, hey Gwen" I said

"So curly you finish the homework?" Finney asked

Damnit, I had a shitty criminal father living with me, A brother I haven't seen in a week and a mother that was unknown. School was my last priority

"No I didn't Finn" I said that came out harsher than I meant for it to

"You okay, you seem not yourself" Gwen asked

"Everything fine!, I just don't wanna talk about it" I scolded at the two

They both stayed quiet after that. And didn't say anything to me the whole walk to school. I could tell they knew something was up with me.I didn't tell them that my father got released from prison. They knew he was in prison. But what I was focused on most is that I was praying Finney wouldn't mention a thing about my 'little emotion outburst' to Robin.

I hated drama, arguing. My parents used to do it all the time. I remember sitting at the top of my stairs. Listing to them. They used to go on for hours. Then my mom would leave and beer would become my dad's best friend. Most times Vance would just take me in his room and hug me until it stopped. While he put his walkman headphones over my ears.
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I split up with Finney, walking into the ladies bathroom. In there it's empty, I go to the sink. And grab paper towel from the dispenser and press it against the wound.i whined at the pain, I looked in the mirror. I didn't even recognize the person on the other side. I wanted the person dead. In the reflection i got distracted by my neck, there was a red mark all around it. I could still feel his hand there, my eyes watered just thinking about how stupid I was just to lie there and take it. Like a 'good girl' ,in the words of my father.

I put my fist up and punched the mirror. It shattered in seconds. Blood immediately peaked out of my knuckles. I picked up one of pieces of glass and held it up in front of my face. The light reflects off the edge. I pressed the point of the glass against my left wrist.It didn't hurt I said to my self.i dragged the glass piece along my arm until it got to my forearm. My eyes watered but my body didn't react.

I suddenly jumped as I heard the bathroom door open. I immediately stopped what I was doing and grab my stuff. I walk by the girl. She saw the mirror broken. I turned to her for a moment and then sped walked out
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