COSMOS | seongjoong

chapter 8.

this chapter contains abuse! please read at your own risk! 💗

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seonghwa's pov

i was currently walking towards sungjoon's apartment. he had invited me over to hang out with his friends; which i didn't want to accept, but if i denied it, he would start badmouthing hongjoong again, or maybe even get suspicious of something. i didn't want to risk that. it was now sunday— it's been a little over 14 hours since hongjoong and i watched the movie together (i'd call it a movie "date", but surely the circumstances aren't right for that yet), and just the thought of it made me grin— it was one of definitely going to be one of my favorite memories.

i was excited that hongjoong and i were getting closer. if i'm honest, i'll feel relieved once sungjoon is out of the picture, even though i'm the one in a relationship, i just can't get the thought of calling hongjoong mine out of my mind. it's a silly thought, yet intrusive. i couldn't get rid of it no matter how much i tried (spoiler alert: i wasn't trying at all), but i really didn't mind. ever since i became friends with hongjoong, i've been more at ease; i'm never like that with sungjoon.

back onto the topic of him— i was hoping today would be the day i ended things with him. i was still so nervous about it, but my feelings towards hongjoong were stronger. because of that, i decided to just push my anxiety as far back as i could as i gave a small knock to sungjoon's door. i of course wouldn't do it in front of his friends— you see, sungjoon intimidated me enough, but with his friends? it was as if that feeling was multiplied a hundred times. i wasn't sure what would happen if i proposed my feelings in front of them, and frankly, i wasn't trying to find out.

i was snapped out of my thoughts once the door opened. it wasn't sungjoon. the face was slightly familiar— i had only seen sungjoon's friends a few times. if i remembered correctly, this one's name was dabin. the taller male quickly greeted me before turning around to face the inside of the house; yelling "sungjoon, your boyfriend's here!" before walking away to the kitchen. he seemed to be working on a meal for the other three in the room.

as i entered the apartment, i slipped my shoes off and walked inside. it smelled of cigarettes and alcohol— that was already a warning sign for me. maybe today isn't the day to tell him... i may not have been the brightest, but i could sense cues very well— mostly based in experience. i decided i would see how the rest of the night goes until i came up with a conclusion.

"hey seonghwa, i'm surprised you actually came," sungjoon giggled a little as he patted the seat next to him— signaling for me to sit there. i was hesitant at first, but i didn't want to seem odd, so i complied nonetheless. the four of them engaged in a conversation about something i knew little about, so i decided to let my mind wander off to hongjoong. i wondered what he was doing right now, but it's not like i could just message him. if sungjoon saw me messaging the person he hates most at the moment, things probab wouldn't end too well. i at least hoped hongjoong was resting himself— he promised me that he would, but he was such a busybody; without company, i don't think he could manage to stay in one place fir so long. i miss him... i would completely rather to be by his side right now... i sighed internally.

sungjoon must've picked up on my silence, as he put his hand on my thigh (though a little too high for my liking) and started to speak, "why aren't you saying anything hwa? i thought you liked soccer?" no, i hate soccer. how did he come to the conclusion that i was even the least bit interested in soccer? "i don't... i don't know anything about soccer," i gave a short reply. it started to become hard to speak with all four pairs of eyes on me at the same time. now is not the time for this! my throat started to tighten and just the fact that i could see things began to get overwhelming. it was like a slow build-up, gradually getting more intense by the minute. i could feel the tips of my fingers run cold, which was followed by words from one of sungjoon's friends. "damn sungjoon— you don't seem to know your boyfriend that well. maybe i could have him instead," the brunette giggled at his own comment. personally, i found it disgusting, but i couldn't even get the words to come out of my mouth, so i decided to keep my commentary to myself anyway. "maybe we could share him then," sungjoon retorted. did he really just say that...? i could feel my body start to shake, and the panic was becoming too overwhelming for me to handle with others around.