COSMOS | seongjoong

chapter 11.

seonghwa's pov

time flew by as it was now 1:34 pm— we were all seated in a cafe, waiting for the ordered food to arrive at our table. i could tell that the food wasn't the only thing they were waiting for; it was obvious the group was eager to hear my amazing news. "sooo seonghwa... what did you have to tell us that's got you so... happy?"  mingi questioned, and his rhetoric set the whole table into laughter. "okay okay, so i have a lot to say... are you guys ready to listen?" i asked to make sure it was okay to ramble on. as i see all of them nod enthusiastically, i took this as my cue to continue. "so basically, a few days ago i went to sungjoon's apartment... with the intention to end things between us. i succeeded, but he... ended up beating me up," gasps interrupted my speech as i looked up at their worried faces. i forgot they didn't really know how sungjoon was, i'll definitely be questioned about that later. "when i got back to the dorm, hongjoong ended up taking care of me. and then... yesterday, we decided to cuddle and watch minion movies, and yeah sooner or later we kissed—"

"YOU WHAT????????" yunho almost yelled. they all had the most priceless, surprised looks on their faces. did they not get the hint that i was interested in hongjoong? "yeah, well really we confessed and then made out a lot—"

"i called it. where's my $20..." yeosang cut me off, with a rather surprising statement in my eyes. "wait— YOU GUYS BET ON HONGJOONG AND I?? how did... never mind. anyways, i'm thinking of asking hongjoong out soon, or should i let him do it? do you guys think he'll think lower of me since i just got out of a relationship?" i rambled on. i knew i shouldn't have been worried about these things, but because of sungjoon, i've become overly self-conscious. i used to be very carefree and open, usually saying and doing whatever came to my mind without any filter. knowing how much he made me change (and definitely not for the better) had started to make me feel disappointed in myself. i knew i could've done better.

"hwaaa, you're reading way too much into this. we barely even know hongjoong but we're sure he's not the type of person to shame you for that. from what you tell us, he seems to be just as in love with you as you are with him— so go for it!" jongho chimed into the conversation. i sighed before coming to realization. "you guys are right... i'm just so happy i can actually show my love for him now. suppressing it was really fucking hard," i paused, and my statement caused the others to laugh obnoxiously.

"that's how i originally felt with yunho, so i get it hwa," mingi smiled as he lovingly looked at the mentioned. i remember how much trouble mingi went through to get out of his old relationship and into his current one. i really do admire how strong he is... "also, when do we get to really meet hongjoong? we've only briefly seen him— i wanna meet him!" mingi whined as the rest of the group agreed.

the truth was, i really wanted them to meet each other— it's nice for my friends to know my love interest, right? however, i couldn't help but worry about all the possible adverse outcomes. what if they didn't like each other? what if they tell me hongjoong isn't good for me? what if they tell me i'm not good enough for hongjoong?

anxiety arose in my body as i overthought the possible scenarios. "sure... i'll make sure you all meet soon. but it's almost time for my next class... so i'll talk to you all later. bye bye, thank you for meeting with me!" i quickly replied as i nearly bolted out of the small café. my breath started to quicken in pace as i tried to reach our dorm. i hope hongjoong is still there.

after nearly 3 minutes of straight running, i was in front of the door to our shared dorm. my hands were too shaky to even insert the key, as i missed the small slot with each jab. as i tried to undo the lock, i heard hongjoong talking to someone inside, probably through the phone as i heard no other voices. he seemed angry. maybe i should figure this out myself... he'll probably feel burdened if i need him to help me. with that last thought, i had finally unlocked the heavy door after one too many tries. as i walked in, i went straight to the bathroom, closing the door and locking it once i was inside. plopping down on the floor, i sat there listening to hongjoong's hostile tone as i violently shook. there seemed to be thousands of tears spilling out of my eyes. why am i even reacting this way? the situation was so small... i'm overreacting... it only got worse the louder hongjoong's voice got. "can you stop fucking calling me?! i told you we ended things a long time ago— stop fucking harassing me! i don't want anything to do with you anymore, i've already moved on and so should you. goodbye taeyoon." i assumed that was the end of the call as i heard light footsteps start making their way toward the bathroom door.

he suddenly knocked really fast, almost in an impatient manner. i flinched— the sound was too overwhelming. i got up slowly to unlock the door, allowing him to come in. i hoped he would get the hint since i couldn't use my words at the moment. luckily, he opened the door with a pissed look on his face. but once he spotted me in the corner of the small room, his facial expression changed immediately— it was a soft and concerned one. i like this hongjoong a lot better. "hwa! is everything alright? what's wrong? i'm so sorry..." he sat beside me and hugged me close with the perfect amount of pressure. he gives the greatest hugs...

after what seemed like forever (it was only a few minutes), my breathing became more level and i wasn't shaking like before, signaling to me that the panic attack was hopefully over. "... do you wanna talk about it?" hongjoong softly spoke. "uhm, well, it's really nothing important, the reason is really dumb... i overreacted, it made no sense for me to react that way—"

"seonghwa. you can't control that, and you know that. so don't beat yourself up for it, okay? any reaction you had is valid, no matter the situation." hongjoong's comforting words rolled off of his tongue as if he knew what i was going to say to him— i loved how well he seemed to know me. he was so good at reading people. "thank you joong... i love you so much," i trailed off as i leaned my head into his arms. all the energy i wasted in that panic attack wasn't coming back any time soon— however, we still had a class to attend.

"i love you too seonghwa, so so much. now let's go to class, shall we? afterward, we can cuddle as much as you want, i promise." i immediately smiled as he wiped the other remaining tears off of my face.

"sounds great to me."

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i hope u enjoyed the 11th chapter of COSMOS ! i think this book is around halfway done ? im not quite sure yet 🤨

— iya 🌼