COSMOS | seongjoong

chapter 17.

hongjoong's pov

i woke up with a horrible headache bouncing off the walls of my head. did i hit my head yesterday?

i looked up, immediately worrying about where i could be; i quickly realized i was in the safety of our dorm. i sat up slightly, trying to be careful as my entire body seemed to ache. i did remember passing out yesterday— i must've hit the floor.

"seonghwa? are you there?" i asked softly. he wasn't seen in the kitchenette or in his bed, but i could spot the bathroom light on. after i called his name, he came bolting out of the bathroom with an abundance of worry in his eyes.

"hongjoong! i'm so sorry. are you okay? nothing bad happened, did it? i'm so sorry, i shouldn't have stayed with wooyoung and san, they told me you would be okay by yourself, and they told me you were gonna be there shortly, but you never came, and when i got up to look for you, that was when you came in the room, and i— oh my god i'm sorry..." seonghwa just ranted on and on. i felt bad to see him like this, i knew it wasn't his fault— i know how easily he falls for peer pressure, and by his rant just now, i figured that was exactly what happened.

"seonghwa it's okay love, alright? i know it's not your fault, i'm just... really upset with woo and san," i breathed heavily before continuing my sentence. "the truth is, this has happened before, which is why i don't usually attend those parties, right? but since you seemed like you really wanted to go, i didn't wanna disappoint you... and they promised me they wouldn't leave me behind like that again. it hurt when i saw everyone happy as if i wasn't even at the party in the first place, you know? i don't know, i,"

i couldn't finish my words with the lump forming in my throat. i could feel my face hear up as my eyes welled with tears.

i want to cry so bad.

seonghwa must've seen what was happening, because in a matter of seconds, he was by my side, holding me in his embrace.

what would i do without him? i love him so much.

"i'm so sorry joong. i shouldn't have listened to them. i'm disgusted with them, honestly... disgusted with myself, i really shouldn't have left you alone," he paused. i hated the look of guilt on his face. i held no resentment towards him for this, so why was he blaming himself? he doesn't deserve that.

"you should've told me if you didn't wanna go... i would've been more than happy to spend the night with you. so next time, please speak up love; you're more important to me than any frat party," seonghwa softly kissed the top of my head before resting his hand on my shoulder, continuing to speak once again, "if you don't mind me asking... what happened while you were alone? i... i saw the marks on your neck, and being that you passed out like that, something must've..." i could tell he was trying to beat around the bush; he was hesitant to ask— almost as if he didn't want to invade my space.

i respected him for that so much. but if i'm honest, i would share everything with him; he just has that safe feeling.

"don't worry hwa, i don't mind telling you. last night, i was looking for you guys— or even just a familiar face to ask where you all were. i was already getting super anxious, but some guy kept... touching me, and—" my lips quivered badly, i knew i couldn't finish speaking. i knew he deserved an explanation— but judging by his reaction, he seemed to completely understand the situation. i love him for that.

—————

after sobbing in his arms for a good 20 minutes, i started to calm down. his embrace was so comforting. who wouldn't be relaxed by this man?