Death And Love Poems (2) Mafia Romance

1. Garota de Ipanema

This is a sequel! The first part is this: https://www.wattpad.com/myworks/280742157-black-death-and-white-roses-mafia-romance

Roxana

White roses...

My favorite flowers. I look at them and freeze.

Dani is looking at me smiling expectantly. Usually, I would have smiled back and would have been delighted, but not right now, right now I am horrified. Images of white roses splattered with blood dance before my eyes and I can't shake them off. I see Marco's face, sublimely beautiful but lifeless falling on the pillow. His voice is humming in my ears: It's okay. I love you, Pebbles. Run.

I ran and I didn't look back, else the regrets would have swallowed me and it would have been all in vain.

It wasn't in the end. I am here, on the sunny coast of Brazil, with Dani, far away from everyone and everything I know, for the better and the worse.

Rio is a city to get lost in. That is what we wanted: to disappear...

"Dani... I... They are beautiful. I just, I don't feel so well. I need fresh air."

He looks sad and disappointed and I feel guilty because none of this is his fault but I can't bear to look at them anymore right now.

It's been eight months since we fled Europe, eight months since we are hiding here in the favelas of Rio de Janeiro.

The sun is setting. It's not so warm anymore but the air still feels heavy to breathe. I run aimlessly on the streets till I see the sand under my shoes. Apparently, I made it to the beach. Copacabana or Ipanema maybe, I am not sure; we are living between the two.

Today is windy so there aren't many people there, only a few surfers.

A few raindrops land on my forehead. Still confused and aimless I look around and see a row of buoy stones.

Without thinking about it, I start climbing them. They are a bit slippery because of the rain but my brain doesn't seem to register these details. I just walk and climb till I am at the edge of the last concrete stone.

The wind is whipping my face and the salty scent of the sea makes me feel a bit less nauseous.

It hurts. My chest feels like physically hurting. Since we are here I tried very hard not to cry so that Dani wouldn't ask me why and so that I wouldn't have to lie to him. He doesn't know exactly what I had to do for Stefano so that he would set him free, that I had to actually kill someone. Also not that I was deeply and stupidly in love with the criminal that I killed.

There are these moments after a separation or loss when everything seems to remind you of your past love. The change of scenery and the constant fear of not being discovered by Lorenzo's men pushed those in the background for a while. But today everything I tried to suppress, came on like a wrecking ball.

I never had the head space to think about how much I miss him but now guilt and loss, together with ache and longing took residence inside me and I can't breathe.

It starts raining heavily.

My chest trembles with the sobs and I feel a slight pang in my chest. Ironically it's the signature ring of the Medici that is still hanging around my neck, together with my parents' wedding rings.

Somehow I never got rid of it. I know I should have, but I just didn't get myself to do that, probably out of cowardice. Despite everything, it's the only reminder of the only good thing that happened to me lately, the only good memory I have about my last year in Europe.